The Sound of Thunder
by Manny101
Summary: Years have passed since both a marriage and a band ended.  Time has marched on and Kogan find themselves in different worlds.  Can they find their way back to each other or has the nightmare of being apart become real?  Rated M for drugs and adult themes.
1. Chapter I

**Author's Note: **So here I am again with a little something I came up with after I finished _The Edge_. I hope you all like this story as much as you did my first. I wanted to try something a little different and I'm sure you'll all pick up on it right away. I, again, will probably not post any Author's Notes until the ending. The reason I don't post for individual chapters is that I don't want to feel like I'm coaching the readers through the narrative. I want everyone to discover things for themselves, on their own! Please feel free to share any thoughts or criticisms that you may have. Additionally, I am opening up the reviews to everyone, not just readers with site credentials. I can't wait to hear what a wider net brings in. Thanks everybody!

**The Sound of Thunder**

"Hello?"

"Hey! What are you doing? Got any big plans for the weekend?"

"Oh, I don't think so. I'm probably just going to catch up on some reading. I've been neglecting my medical journals lately. I've been so busy at the hospital I haven't even had a chance to breathe! What about you? What is the toast of Broadway doing this weekend?"

"Shut up! It's my first leading role and I am so freaking out! Can someone be freaking out and be on top of the world at the same time? It feels like I'm living with a split personality. How 'bout you helping me with that, Doc?"

"Ok, for the millionth time, Camille. I am in _oncology_. I am not in _psychology_. Can you repeat after me? Oncology. One more time, On-col-o-gy!"

"You are such an ass, Logie!"

"If I'm such an ass, then why are you laughing?"

"Honey, I work in the theater. Asses make me laugh all the time!"

"I can only take your word for that."

"So, speaking of Asses, have you heard from the guys? How are they doing?"

"Yeah, I spoke with James a couple of days ago and Carlos and I have been sending messages to each other since he lives so far away. Spain must be beautiful this time of year."

"I guess it is. And what about, ah, you know. Have you heard from _him_?"

Silence.

"Logan, are you still there?"

"I'm here. And, no. I haven't spoken to him in a several months, maybe even closer to a year, actually."

"I'm sorry to hear that. You know, out of all of us, you two were the ones that were supposed to make it work. I wish I felt as much in love as you two were, back in the day. You guys were the ones that gave me hope that someday I'd find a prince of my own, too."

"Yeah, well…"

"In the years that have passed since we were all at the Palmwoods together, I've never asked you what happened between you and Kendall. What made you two split up? What happened?"

"Wow, Camille. I'm not sure I want to get into it, especially on the phone. That is a conversation for another day."

"Okay. I won't push. I just thought that you'd want to talk especially if you got Kendall's invitation. You did get one, right?"

"Ahhh. Now we get to it! You mean Heff Road's celebration of their new album and world tour? Yeah, I got it a couple of days ago."

"So?"

"So?"

"Can you take some time off? That is, if you want to go. You _are_ going, aren't you?"

Silence.

"Dammit, Logan Mitchell, speak to me!"

"That's _Doctor_ Mitchell-Knight to you!"

"Ooooh, la di da! _Doctor_ Mitchell-Knight! Ok, Doc. What do you think about us going together?"

"I don't know, Camille. I think I'm just going to skip it. There's just too much baggage between the two of us. I don't know how comfortable I would be. It – it still hurts, if I think about him for too long. Luckily, my work keeps me pretty busy. I don't have time to think about anything else. Besides, I don't have time to fly all the way to Hollywood and back. There's too much to do here."

"You know what I hear, Logan? I hear someone grasping at excuses to get out of supporting someone who was important to you – to us. I seem to recall four guys who practically took a blood oath to help and support each other even after Big Time Rush folded. You were all friends, close friends. I wish you hadn't lost that."

"Divorce is not very conducive to oaths and friendships – or vows. It has a way of messing everything up in a most definite and permanent way. It truly sucks!"

"You know, I spoke to Kendall last week. He told me that he's excited about his tour and performing and meeting his fans. But I got the impression that he was even more excited at the prospect of you being at his launch party. He really wants to see you, Logan."

Camille had never lied to Logan, until now. She hadn't spoken to Kendall in weeks. But to her, this was too important for petty male egos. She could feel that Logan and Kendall's divorce 18 months ago was a mistake. Maybe it was the romantic in her but she felt that these two had unfinished business. If she needed to tell a white lie or two for them to see this, then she was willing to risk their anger.

"He _said_ that? I can't picture that. Still…"

"Just tell me that you'll at least _think_ about going. Do this acting trick of mine. Try not to think of him as your ex-husband. Picture in your mind that he is just some handsome stranger that just happened to invite you to a big Hollywood bash. How exciting is that? C'mon, Logie. Don't make me go alone."

"Camille! I'm not an actor. I don't think I have the powers of imagination that you do. That's why you're such a terrific actress – a true icon in the making!"

"Stop trying to change the subject. Tell me you're coming with. I'd consider it a favor if you accompany me."

"I can't tell you that. But – but I'll think about it. Camille, stop cheering! I said I'd _think_ about it, nothing more."

"Ok, fine. But it's over a month away and that's plenty of time for you to juggle your schedule. I've already cleared that weekend myself. I hope you make the right decision. It would be fun to have the gang together again."

"Alrighty, then. I have to go and hit these evaluations and efficiency reports from my department. It's gonna be a long one tonight."

"Sure, I get it. Can we do lunch at some point? I'd like to see you face to face for a change!"

"I'll call you. Next week, probably. Until then, Lovely One, I bid you farewell!"

Camille was a treasure in his life. Of all the Hollywood gang, she was the one who had kept in touch with everyone. She was the CNN of their group. They'd always called each other four or five times a week especially after she made her move to New York and began her stage career. He was glad he had someone from the old days living in the same city.

Logan sat in his home office staring at the stack of paperwork in front of him on his desk. He let out a tired sigh and opened the first folder. He began reading but his mind kept straying from his notes. Thoughts of Kendall were in his head. He knew that after Camille's phone call that that would happen. That wasn't entirely true, though. Kendall had been on his mind for at least a couple of days. That's when the invitation had come in the mail.

Logan opened a small drawer in his desk and pulled out the envelope with Heff Road's emblematic design. He opened the formal invitation and looked at the new album cover. There he was. Kendall's face jumped out at him. He was thinner than he remembered, but still the quintessential rocker he'd transformed himself into after Big Time Rush ended.

In the blink of an eye, Logan was lost in the past. He remembered the days when they were just friends and playing hockey together. In school, they'd always had each other's backs, no matter what. They, along with James and Carlos, had been a formidable force on the ice and in the school.

That all gave way to their sudden departure to L.A. Being discovered added an edge and excitement to their friendship. Big Time Rush was where they would grow up and find that their friendship was deeper than either one of them thought. Hollywood was where they'd opened their eyes and saw the light. And the brightest and purest light they saw was in each other. Those had been the happiest times of his life. Young love, with its white-hot intensity, had been the rule of the day. It was supposed to last forever.

He remembered an impossibly handsome Kendall in his off-white tux, holding his hand as they walked their way down the aisle. All their friends and family had been there. James and Carlos had been their Best Men. The ceremony, filled with overwhelming happiness and a few tears, was the best day of his life. The reception that followed was a whirlwind of activity that passed in a blur. But he did remember his first dance with Kendall as his husband.

Logan sighed out loud as he recalled his honeymoon with his new husband. Even Hawaii's beautiful landscape could not compete with Kendall's touch. They'd stayed in their spacious Honeymoon Suite almost the entire week. Both of them were insatiable. They were so in love nothing else seemed to matter.

Everything was going well until the last year Big Time Rush was together. They'd all decided that after 5 albums and 4 years together, it was time to move on. That was when the problems started to take their toll on the marriage.

At first it was silly things like spending too much money on clothes or leaving the cap off the toothpaste. That had escalated into "My money" and "Your money" and how they never seemed to have enough. The shouting matches began around that time. He hated those. He'd tried to remain calm and cool but Kendall knew exactly which buttons to push until it was impossible not to match his decibel level. He'd shed many tears because of those fights.

The final straw was when Kendall told him that they were going to stay in L.A. so he could get Heff Road signed to a contract. He'd known that Logan was itching to start his medical education on the East Coast. Luckily, Logan had self taught and read his medical books and journals religiously even when they were in BTR. At his placement exam, he'd had no problem skipping entry-level courses.

Kendall had signed his band with a record label and began to make plans for an album and a tour, all without consulting him. Not to be outdone, Logan enrolled at Columbia University with a major in biology. When they told each other their news, both were dumbfounded, hurt, and angry – very angry. Neither of them would budge.

Logan left Hollywood and all his friends for New York City. The change would do him good and would give him a new perspective on his life and his purpose. He was feeling optimistic about the new chapter in his life. He was even having regular and civil conversations with Kendall again.

Several years passed. Logan was in a good mood one sunny afternoon until he got an unexpected phone call. Kendall was flying out to see him and it sounded extremely urgent. As if the universe were trying to warn him, the weather turned dark and wet, the thunder echoing in the distance.

The look on Kendall's face told him everything he'd wanted to know. There was a finality to his demeanor. He'd explained that a long distance relationship would never work and that they'd both be too busy to see each other. He'd said he wanted to remake his image with his new band and a gay marriage was not in the picture for his new rocker persona. He'd wanted to put the legality of their marriage to rest. In his hand he'd carried an oversized envelope. He pulled out the papers he had inside and handed them to Logan. It was their divorce decree. The memory of him signing their marriage into non-existence was forever seared into his mind. It had been the most painful thing he'd ever done, then or since.

Logan snapped out of his reverie and found that he was holding his divorce documents in his hand. He stared at them for a moment longer then put them back in his desk drawer and locked it. He picked up the neglected work folder and began to read. He had a lot of work to do.


	2. Chapter II

**The Sound of Thunder**

He awoke with a start. His bedroom was dark except for the slits of light shining through the window's blinds. On the opposite wall where the rays fell, he imagined a ladder of light made of sunshine. He grinned at the thought and started coughing. He sat up on his bed reaching for his nightstand. He pulled a small wooden box to him and opened it. He removed a small mirror and a silver vial filled with white powder. With a razor blade, he chopped some of the powder, ending up with two small white lines. He grabbed the straw he kept with his "kit" and bent over the mirror. In quick succession, he held the straw to the powder and inhaled. Each nostril got its share of the cocaine. He inhaled deeply, already feeling the effects on his body. The energy and vigor seemed to fill him up from the inside. He laughed out loud for no reason and put the box back in the nightstand, sniffing.

He stretched before standing up. He didn't want to get dressed but he saw by the clock that it was already past noon. He decided that he still felt tired and wanted to take a dip in the pool before he started his day. He fumbled around and pulled on his favorite pair of board shorts. Grabbing a couple of joints from his dresser drawer, he opened the door and made his way downstairs.

The light was so blinding to him that he had to shade his eyes with his hands. He needed his sunglasses. But before that, he needed a drink. Going to the bar, he pulled out the first thing he grabbed. He removed a glass from the rack and started to pour the reddish-brown liquid. He liked to be surprised when he took his first sip. He saw some dark sunglasses on the bar and put them on.

As he started to go to the pool, his doorbell chimed.

"Man! Who the hell can that be?" he muttered under his breath, annoyed.

He opened the door and saw a pretty blond girl in a smart business suit, fumbling with her phone. She entered without being asked and took off her shades. She stared at him for a second before speaking.

"Wow, you look like shit! What're you doing up this early?"

"Answering the door! Oh, come in, by the way." He smiled at her and gave her a quick kiss on her soft, luscious lips. "I was going to the pool. Come sit with me."

"Sounds good before my meeting. I can only stay a few, but I wanted to see you."

He led her out to the shaded part of the pool area where there were lounge chairs set up, facing each other.

"Come and sit down. Do you want a drink? I have – I have …this!" He held up his glass as if to demonstrate.

"Um, I'll just have a sip of yours. A little early for that, isn't it?"

"Sweetstuff, it's happy hour somewhere! Cheers!" He took a swig of his glass. "Oh cool! Brandy!" he exclaimed, playfully smacking his lips at her.

She giggled at him. She never giggled anymore, not since they'd lived together at the Palmwoods. Seeing him, though, brought out the teen girl in her.

"Oh, crap! Jo, I'm so glad you're here! I have something to ask you about the party. Thanks for making some of the arrangements for the record label, by the way. But can I ask you for a personal favor?"

"What do you need, Kendall? I think we got everything pretty much covered."

"You're a big time talent agent now. That means that you know a ton of up and coming models and starlets. Do you think you can get some of them to show up?"

"Gee, Kendall, I don't know. I'm not sure that anyone is available for that night. I should've been asked this about a month ago! I swear, you and your last minute requests. That is extremely annoying!"

"I know. I'm sorry. I just want this to be as successful a launch as possible. Can you please try? For me? For your Ken Doll? Pretty please?" Kendall's hands were clasped in front of him, as if he were begging.

Kendall hadn't used the nickname she'd given him for years. After his divorce from Logan, Jo had comforted him and helped him get through the long days and nights when he hadn't even wanted to leave the house. One night, after a few drinks, they'd kissed and fallen into each other's arms. He'd had to admit that sex with Jo hadn't been a bad experience. It was so _un-bad_ that they'd carried on together for a few weeks. He'd always be grateful to her for not abandoning him in his darkest period.

"Well, I'll try. I'm not promising anything, though. I can make a few calls. You want all girl models or a few guys thrown in there, too?"

"I think I have the guys covered. But if you see one that you think I'll like, bring him! You know my tastes in boys."

_Yeah, very Loganesque looking boys_, she thought to herself. "I'll see what I can do. Speaking of boys, did you send a certain guy an invitation to the bash?"

Kendall's smile faded, just a bit, at the thought of Logan. He looked away from her. He pulled his lighter from his pocket and lit one of the "fatties" he brought to the pool. He inhaled deeply and handed it to Jo.

Nodding slightly, in a hushed voice he said, "Yeah, I sent him an invite. How could I not?"

Jo exhaled smoke and asked, "Do you think that he'll come? Have you heard from him?"

"Nah, I haven't heard from him in about a year, I guess. I don't expect to, either." He took a drag.

"I guess things didn't go back to normal, like I hoped they would, after the divorce thing had been settled. I'm sorry about that. You guys were the 'It' couple for me, even though you broke my heart in the process, you bastard!" She held out her hand demanding the joint back.

They both looked at each other and laughed. A lot of things had happened to them since the Big Time Rush era and both were enjoying the fruits of their hard work. After a few more passes, Jo looked at her diamond-encrusted watch.

"Oh, shit! I have a meeting with a potential client and I have to drive all the way across town. I'd better go." She stood and Kendall stood with her. "I know that your party will be as big a success as your tour. This is _your_ time. Even if Logan decides not to show, you still have a lot to celebrate and be thankful for. Don't let one person spoil your hard work!" She moved in to give him a hug.

"I know," he whispered, hugging her tightly. "But, it's _Logan_."

"I know it is, Baby. I know."

They separated and walked to the front door. They gave each other a quick kiss and she was gone.

As she was driving, Jo decided to call her girl in New York. There had to be a way for Logan to show up at Heff Road's launch. She knew that there was no way in hell that she'd ever hope to compete with what Kendall felt for Logan – even after the divorce. Today's conversation with him proved to her that Kendall still carried very strong feelings for his ex-husband. The drinking and smoking and sleeping around were his way of dealing with the pain of losing his true love. Why were boys so pig-headed and stubborn? Why couldn't they see what was right in front of them?

As she pulled onto the freeway, she activated her car's phone system. "Call Camille", she instructed.

After a few rings, the phone was answered.

"Yes?"

"Camille, it's Jo!"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Hey! What in the world are you doing?"

"Aw, as much as I'd love to just chat, I have to make this short, Sweetie. I was just talking to Kendall and he seems to be a bit unsettled about his party. Specifically, I think he's secretly hoping that Logan will show. What are the chances of that happening? Have you spoken to Logan about it? Did he even get Kendall's invite?"

"Funny you should mention it, Jo. Logie and I were talking about flying out there for it. He's still on the fence about it, though. I'm trying to change his mind but I don't want to nag him about it. I don't want him to dig in his heels because then there'd be no chance in hell that he'd go."

"Yeah, I'm sure. Maybe we can do a little tag team action on him."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're already working on him, right? I think that I'll give the good doctor a call myself and see what his plans are. He could use a nudge from someone on this coast, too! And if gentle persuasion doesn't work, there's always Plan B."

"What's Plan B?"

"As soon as I think of one, I'll give you a call!"

"Sounds good. I miss you."

"Miss you, too, Camille. Love ya! Kiss, kiss!"

Jo ended the call with her friend determined to make this mini-reunion work. And now that Camille was on board, she felt that success was just around the corner. She hoped that this optimistic wave would spill over into her upcoming business meeting.

Driving through the studio parking lot, she took a spot in front of one of the many soundstages. She left her car and walked to the studio's offices. As she was walking, she paused when she came face to face with a poster for James' sit-com, his huge, handsome face grinning at her. She smiled and confidently entered the building, ready to make a deal.


	3. Chapter III

**The Sound of Thunder**

The first episode of the second season had been a long shoot. James Diamond, though a Hollywood Party King of Hollywood, was tired. He'd been at the studio since about 5 AM. Walking into his condo's living room, the DVR's display was flashing 9:10 PM.

Groaning a bit, he plopped down on his imported Federico Benini designer leather couch. Immediately, he knew getting up from his sitting position was going to be a challenge. His body was comfortable now. He closed his eyes for a moment before deciding that he needed a scotch. He knew that the drink would relax him. But he'd promised that he'd go out to a club with some of his co-stars. That was usually fun but maybe not tonight. He wasn't in the mood to party after the tiff with the show's leading lady. She was being difficult, yet again, with him, the director, and the writers. That's why the shoot had taken so long - diva overdrive.

James reluctantly got up and made his way to the bar in the kitchen. He knew that his housekeeper had been there. Everything looked spotless and organized. She was a godsend for him. Taking a genuine crystal glass from his overhead Cuban mahogany cabinet, he poured himself a double.

"What the hell. Let's go for the triple!" he said out loud, chuckling to himself, as he poured until the glass was well over half full. He took a sip and felt better. As he made his way back to the living room, he picked up his mail from the foyer and looked out the window. The breeze from earlier had picked up and had become a billowing wind. He could feel the rumble of far away thunder as the night sky lit up every few moments making night turn to day.

Breaking his gaze from the outside world, he again thought about how invaluable his maid was. She always knew to separate his personal and private correspondence from the junk mail he didn't need to concern himself with.

He sat down and started going through the envelopes when he came to one that made him stop. He took it from the rest of the correspondence and placed it on the coffee table in front of him, just staring at it. He'd come back to that one.

An hour later, his glass was empty as he'd put down the last piece of urgent mail. He looked at the unopened invitation and got up to fix himself another drink. Before he opened the invite, he'd need another swig of something, some liquid courage.

Returning to his place on the couch, he stared at the linen envelope before finally reaching for it. James carefully opened it and sat back.

"You are cordially invited to the launch party of Heff Road's new album and tour, _All Roads Lead 2 U_," he whispered. He read the rest in silence as he considered if he should go. He wasn't sure about attending anything that Kendall was involved in. A lot had happened since their teen years, not all good.

He tried to remember the last time he'd actually spoken with Kendall. It had been a phone call about four months ago. The conversation was cordial enough but it had been forced. He felt it and he was sure Kendall did, too. Their relationship had changed after Kendall's marriage to Logan. After their split, he'd been torn about who needed his support more. He'd decided that Logan's world was more devastated than Kendall's. His former leader hadn't been happy about that. As a matter of fact, Kendall stopped calling him until he'd heard that James had landed a leading role on a network show, _Diamonds In the Rough_.

Even then, the calls only came once in a blue moon. The times when James tried to call Kendall, he'd always gotten his voicemail and no return call. He stopped trying. Then one day he'd gotten a call asking him to attend a Heff Road event. He'd declined because of his schedule, though that was only a half-truth. Again, Kendall was not happy, per the snippy note he'd received at the studio the following day. He'd felt bad. He decided to send Kendall tickets to his show to make up for it. He'd hoped that seeing each other would help bridge some of the distance between them. Kendall never showed.

And now, this invitation from his old childhood friend and one time band mate. He wondered if Kendall had had the nerve to send Logan one of these. The look of hurt on Logan's face when he'd come to say goodbye to him was forever seared in his mind. He had looked so lost and helpless that he'd wanted to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be all right because he was there to protect him now. But he didn't do that. As much as he blamed Kendall for Logan's pain, he couldn't hurt Kendall like that, either. Then, of course, there'd been his personal demons.

It had taken him a long time of self-exploration and professional analysis to finally accept the fact that he may have had real feelings for Logan. He'd gotten the reputation of being girl crazy and he had indeed dated a lot of girls – _a lot_ of girls. In the end, his psychiatrist said that the reason for his constant hook ups was because he was "overcompensating for your latent homosexual feelings, probably towards Logan". That had been a shocker. He'd fired his psychiatrist and swore an oath to himself that he would never think about that ever again.

As Big Time Rush was recording their 2nd album, he didn't have the time or the energy to think about anything else but the band. The thought of being with Logan faded into the background. However, working with him day after day challenged even his strong resolve. He'd intended to speak to Logan about what he'd discovered about himself when all the stuff between Kendall and Logan just exploded.

He remembered Kendall's frantic flight on the Rocque jet so he could bring Logan back to L.A. to prevent his old boss, Gustavo, from replacing him. He'd wanted to help so badly but knew that Kendall would have objected. It was obvious to him that they were the ones destined to be together. That had hurt.

More painful still, he remembered the party for BTR's 3rd album. After having such a good time and basking in their accomplishments, Kendall and Logan had announced their engagement. He'd smiled and hugged them like he was supposed to. He'd gushed to them that he was so happy while, on the inside, a little part of his heart died. He had more liquor than usual that night but still couldn't drown the overwhelming hurt and loneliness he'd felt.

Being co-Best Man with Carlos hadn't been his idea. If they had asked him to be the sole Best Man, he would have declined. He couldn't watch while Kendall took Logan away - away from him. But they'd asked Carlos, too. He'd felt trapped by the situation so he agreed.

That seemed like a million years ago and yet like only yesterday. His memory started to get fuzzy as the effects of his third scotch clouded his mind.

"Shit!" he exclaimed as he spilled some of the liquor on his pants. He had an early call tomorrow anyway. He decided that he was going to skip the clubbing with his co-stars and go to bed. Seeing Heff Road's invitation sucked out any partying mood he'd had earlier in the evening.

A little wobbly, he stood to go to his bedroom, a glass in one hand and Kendall's invitation in the other. He stopped in the kitchen and placed the glass in the sink. In the harsh kitchen light, he looked over the invite again, the wheels of his mind turning. He let out a deep sigh.

He turned off the lights and went to the bedroom. He had to shower and change for bed. First things first, though. Noticing that he was still holding the envelope, he walked passed his waste basket and dropped it in. Looking down at it one last time, he decided that the trashcan was where it belonged.

"Maybe next time," he whispered to himself as a sad, bitter smile crossed his lips. James undressed and stepped into the shower thankful that he could finally wash away the day's foulness from his body.


	4. Chapter IV

**The Sound of Thunder**

The Oncology Department looked like a devastated war zone in some half forgotten country on the other end of the world. Because of the large endowment left to the hospital by a very grateful and anonymous donor, they were getting all the state of the art equipment and cutting edge technology needed for advanced treatment and research in the fight against cancer.

Logan felt especially proud since the patient that made the large donation had been his. The only condition for the gift had been that "Dr. Logan Mitchell-Knight be the one to administer the grant and oversee the implementation of the department's renovation". He'd been taken aback when the condition was presented to him but was honored when he accepted the new position: Vice Director of Oncology Research and Treatment Implementation. There were some ideas that Logan had for the department and now he was in a position to actually expect things to be done to his satisfaction. He finally had a voice in how the unit was to be managed. His mantra: Patients First…Patients First…Patients First.

Looking around, however, there was a lot of work to do before they could get into the research business. There were several foremen, architect's assistants, and hospital liaison staff having an impromptu meeting in the middle of the construction area as workers scurried about doing their part in the elaborate dance. Logan approached the group after a couple of them motioned for him to come over. They needed his input on several things and they all knew that Logan had the final say on all issues.

After a few minutes, he excused himself to his office. He still had his own paperwork to finish and he needed a quiet place to work in. Although, he remembered a time when he could read with three other boys playing hockey, listening to loud music, and engaging in general noisy rough housing. The memory made him smile. The Palmwoods seemed like a thousand years ago.

Logan sat in his office and started to go through his work voicemails. After the third message, he began to tune out. He felt tired and worn out. After the three whole hours of sleep he'd gotten the previous night, he wasn't surprised he was dragging himself around. He sat up, however, when he heard a familiar voice in one of the messages. He replayed it.

"Hey, Logan! It's been a long time, no? Just wanted to check in and see what you've been up to. I miss seeing you and just chatting like the old days. Please give me a ring when you get a chance. Or rather, have your people call my people and we'll do lunch. I love saying that, never gets old! Can't wait to hear back from you. Bye!"

He smiled as he played the message a third time. He hadn't heard from Jo in at least six months. Both their lives had become extremely hectic and they'd just fallen off each other's radars. He was glad that they had a chance to reconnect. He picked up his phone and dialed Jo's number.

"Oh, my God! Well, hello, Dr. Stud. What's going on?"

"Oh, shut up, Jo. Are you really going to make me blush over the phone?"

"On the phone, on the computer, in person – you name it! But it's only because I love you so. Oh, and it makes me laugh!"

"You're such a flake! How's it going on the Cali Coast? I'm in need of some beach time, myself."

It felt good to reconnect with a friend. Jo had been a good friend to him even after Kendall had had to tell her that their future together was not meant to be and that he'd discovered his feelings for Logan. She'd been upset, of course, but she'd come around. After her initial shock, she'd been one of their biggest cheerleaders.

They reminisced about the old times and caught up on their current projects. Both were happy and impressed with each other's accomplishments.

"That sounds great, Logan. Someday I'll have to fly out and have a tour of your new facility."

"I'd love to have you here. I'd take you on a personal tour, of course!"

"And speaking of flying out, I hear that you and Camille are flying to L.A. soon. I can't wait to see you. I'll take you on a tour of my office building when you're here."

"Actually, I haven't made up my mind about going to Cali. I told Camille that I'm really busy right now and can't take any time off. I wonder if she even listens to me when I speak to her!"

"Logan, is it okay if I mention his name?"

"Uh, sure. Is he okay?"

"Yeah, Kendall's fine. Well, fine for Kendall, that is. You know, after you two broke up, he went a little nuts."

"But _he's_ the one that -. Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure he's okay now, though, right?"

"He is. But you know what would make him even more okay?"

"What is that?"

"If you'd come to Heff Road's launch party. I know that it would mean the world to him if you showed up for it. Your support still means a lot to him."

Silence.

"Logan, I know it still has to hurt at times. But I was with Kendall the other day and I really and truly got the feeling that he wants to see you."

"Like I told Camille, I have a ton of work to do here and I don't know if I can afford to take the time off."

"C'mon, Logie. It's just one night out of your life for someone who used to mean the world to you. If anyone can transcend old feelings of pettiness and hurt, you can. You both can."

"I don't know, Jo. I just can't say right now."

"At least think about it. You'd better hurry, though, since the party is in a couple of weeks. And I'd love to see you, too. Don't forget that."

There was a knock on Logan's door.

"Listen, Jo. I have someone at the door. I promise I'll consider going. We'll call you as soon as I know what my plans are going to be."

"I'm going to hold you to that. Love you, Dr. Stud!"

Logan laughed out loud before hanging up the phone. He got up and opened his office door.

"Well, hello, _Doctor_ Mitchell-Knight! May I enter your sacred workspace?"

Logan rolled his eyes as he motioned for his guest to enter. "If you must!"

"And to what do I owe the pleasure of your company today, Camille?"

"I had a long lunch break and decided that I wanted you to take me somewhere nice or at least nice-_ish_. How 'bout it, Doc?"

"Oh, I'm sorry but I am so swamped today. I don't think I'll even have time for lunch. It seems that my life is one big deadline after another these days. I'll have to take a rain check."

"Boooooo! That sucks! I wanted to spend some time with you. We have to start making travel plans for our trip to L.A."

"Camille, I – "

"C'mon, Logie. Don't even think about it. Just say that you want to go and then go! How hard is that?"

"Anyway then, guess who I just got off the phone with? Jo called me and left a message so I just got off the phone with her."

"Really? How is Jo? I bet she's really looking forward to seeing us. I'd hate to disappoint her."

"I'm sure she'll live if I miss the function. It's not life or death, you know. Still, I wouldn't mind seeing her again. She was always great to me and – she was always good to me."

"I wonder if the guys are going to go. Have you talked to them?"

"Last I heard, Carlos did get his invite but didn't know if he could make it. As far as James, since he lives in Hollywood, why wouldn't he be there?"

"That makes sense. You and your logical self have to get your logical ass on a plane and see if the other guys make it or not. Wouldn't it be cool to have our group together again, even if it is for only one night?"

"Yeah, I suppose. We'll see, Camille."

"You better hurry. The launch party is only a couple of weeks away."

"Yeah, I know. Jo pointed that out when we spoke. Funny how you both seem to have the same sense of time all of the sudden. Isn't that funny, Camille?" Logan narrowed his eyes at her, suspicious.

Before Camille could answer him, Logan's hospital pager went off. After calling the hospital switchboard, he learned he was needed on the hospital floor where one of his patients was recovering.

_Saved by the bell_, Camille thought. She'd have to be careful not to step on Jo's efforts to convince Logan to travel to the West Coast.

"Sorry, Girlfriend. I have to go see one of my patients. I'm sorry about lunch, too."

"That's okay, I understand." She stood to go. "Call me?"

"You know it. Now, GO!" Logan motioned theatrically to his office door. "Leave us!"

Camille giggled at Logan's "acting". She gave him a peck on his cheek and was gone. She had something that she had to do now.

As she made her way outside, she pulled her phone out of her bag and dialed Jo's number.

"Jo? He's thinking about it. I can tell."


	5. Chapter V

**The Sound of Thunder**

The chime of his phone woke him. He hadn't been sleeping well because he was nervous. In less than 24 hours, the mansion would be filled with hundreds of people. He wanted everything to be perfect for the festivities.

He reached across the bed for the nightstand where his phone rested. He was surprised when he felt movement beside him. He looked over and noticed the cute brunette girl from the club the previous night. They'd had a good time out so he'd brought her back home to continue the fun. His brows furrowed.

_What was your name? Kathy? Caitlin? Kimmy? _

He grabbed his phone and looked around sensing that he was forgetting something, but not sure what. He pulled on some boxers and went downstairs to the bar. From what he was feeling, he definitely needed the "hair of the dog".

He poured himself a drink, not knowing what he was filling his glass with. He lifted the glass to his lips and drank.

"Sherry, cool!" he said to himself as he lit a joint and inhaled deeply. After a moment, he exhaled the smoke in one long breath. "Wake an' bake – the breakfast of champions!" He chuckled at himself.

He heard a noise come from the bathroom and turned around to hear the door being opened. The boy coming towards him smiled knowingly at him. He took the joint from Kendall and inhaled, all the while not taking his eyes off his host. He exhaled and looked deeply into Kendall's eyes before moving in to kiss him. Kendall didn't fight it and relaxed into the boy's arms.

That's what he'd forgotten earlier. When he was at the club, he'd met the girl upstairs and was immediately attracted to her. She'd explained that she had a friend who would like to have fun with them. Kendall wasn't sure so he'd asked to see the friend. He'd been pleasantly surprised when a cute college boy was brought in for him to meet. He had short dark brown hair with big puppy dog eyes and a wide, toothy grin.

The college guy took the drink from Kendall and took a sip. The alcohol made his face grimace and cough. They laughed softly, putting their heads gently together. Kendall handed him the joint. Taking a long inhale, the boy kissed Kendall.

"Thanks for last night," the boy said, smoke escaping his mouth. "It was awesome. I'll never forget it!"

He gave Kendall a last, quick kiss then he was gone. Kendall smiled until he realized that his guest had forgotten something, or rather, someone. He'd have to deal with Kim or Crystal or Katrina by himself. He took another drink thinking about the boy from last night.

_Funny, he looks like…_

He stopped before he even thought about _his_ name. But he had to admit, all the boys he'd been with since his break up, had looked like Logan. Unconsciously, he still looked for the qualities that made Logan special to him. He was scared that he would never find that _specialness_ in anyone again. The thought made him shiver and feel very alone.

He slapped his face a couple of times to clear his head. He didn't have time for all this introspective crap right now. He had to make sure everything was humming along for the next day. He picked up his cell phone to make last minute check up calls to all the major players. He saw that he had a text message from Jo.

_Kdoll  
__Everything looks good. Got a few girl models, couple guys too.  
__BTW spoke to Logan. Wants to see u bad! Can't wait 4 tomrrw.  
__Jo_

Just as he was beginning to focus, she'd mentioned the "L" word. _How many slaps will it take to clear my head again?_ _I need to concentrate!_

_**You're right. You **__**do**__** need to concentrate but make sure your attention is on the right thing!**_

_I can't let my feelings for my ex cloud anything. There's too much to do, too much at stake for the future._

_**And what is a future good for if you're not going to be happy in it? A lonely existence is not something to wish for.**_

_I won't be lonely once I achieve greater success for my band. My music will be loved by millions more, I'm sure!_

_**Hopefully. But there's one person in particular that you want to please. You can deny it all you want, but you know it's the truth.**_

_I don't need anyone to approve or disapprove of what I do. I do this because of me, because I love expressing myself through music. And I enjoy what I do. That's what matters._

_**Agreed. But there are other things, other people that matter to you, too. And, again, one in particular.**_

Kendall stood up from his bar stool and started to pace. His mind was racing and he knew that he wouldn't be able to stop it. He knew that it was nerves causing the back and forth banter in his head. What he wasn't sure of was if his nervousness was because of the launch party or because there was a possibility that Logan would attend.

_This is crazy! I hate this. Even the __**possibility**__ of Logan attending has me going around in circles. What the fuck!_

_**This isn't rocket science. You KNOW why you get all knotted up when someone mentions his name. You know what you did.**_

_I did what I did for the both of us. There was no way we could have had a life together living and working on opposite ends of the country. Besides, we were already drifting apart. It was just a matter of time before we would've imploded._

_**So, you didn't want what happened to happen? Aren't you happy that you cleared a roadblock to your career and image?**_

_I didn't think it would be that hard! Leaving him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. In the end, I got the life I wanted, though. What's not to like? Money, fame, fortune, and I can have the pick of any guy or girl I want! What's not to love? _

_**Indeed. That's what you were thinking when you were reciting your vows to Logan. "What's not to love?" You remember that?**_

Kendall was immediately transported to that afternoon under the California sun where his friends and family had gathered to usher in a new chapter in his and Logan's life. His heart had practically burst at the thought of spending the rest of his life with the person that had meant the most to him. Pure ecstasy!

"Shit!" he exclaimed, trying to force himself to concentrate on the calls he had to make. He went outside to the pool area and sat in one of the lounge chairs. He picked up his phone but paused again.

_**You can't run from your thoughts – or your heart. A part of being a man is owning up to one's mistakes. Maybe your split from Logan was a – **_

_No! No! NO! THIS is the life I want. THIS is what I have chosen for myself. THIS is what I love. THIS is who I am. Going backwards is not an option – not anymore._

_**And how long will it last? How long will YOU last? Between all the guys, girls, drugs, booze, and bad road food, how long will your body continue to function properly? Not to mention your heart. All the things you have now can't seem to fill the void that he left in you.**_

_Nothing can. I've learned to accept it. I've moved on. I am a different "me" than I was when we fell in love with each other a decade ago._

_**You can lie to anyone and everyone, but you can't lie to yourself. And, Bro, I **__**AM**__** YOU!**_

Kendall shot up from his lounge chair, eyes wide. He hadn't thought this seriously about being with Logan again in a long time. He'd thought about it, sure, but not like this. However, with what Camille and Jo had told him, Logan wanted to see him. Still, he wasn't sure that he wanted to put himself in a vulnerable position with anyone. The last time it had blown up in his face and he'd wanted to die again and again. That had been the worst time in his young life – the dark times.

"I don't know. I don't know. I don't know," he muttered to himself.

Kendall took off running and jumped into the deep end of his pool. The cold water seemed to shock him back into the here and now. Coming back to the surface, he looked around and imagined what it would look like if Logan were sitting on one of the lounge chairs, grinning at him from the shadows. He was surprised at the lack of pain that the image evoked. He climbed out of the pool.

He kept his eyes on the chair where he'd imagined Logan as he dried himself with a towel. He was unsure of what he was supposed to do, but he was sure that if anyone on this earth was worth risking pain over, it was him. Perhaps it wasn't too late. Perhaps they could start over with a clean slate. _If it's not too late._

"Maybe," he said to the universe around him. "Maybe…"


	6. Chapter VI

**The Sound of Thunder**

"Hello, Mr. Diamond. I hope you had a good day today, Sir." The doorman of James' building was always polite to him. He liked him from the first day he'd moved into the exclusive condo complex.

"Indeed I did, Braxton. And as icing on the cake, I get to come home early today. Can't beat that!" James smiled widely at the doorman as Braxton opened the door for the famous resident.

After entering his apartment, he heard noises coming from the kitchen. Curious, he walked over to see what the commotion was.

"Leticia! You scared me, woman!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Yaymes! I was just putting some dishes away. I'm almost done. I will leave in few minutes, I swear."

James nodded and smiled at his housekeeper. "That's okay, Letty. Take your time. I have a phone call to make anyway."

James knew what today was. He'd been thinking about Kendall's launch party all day. As much as he kept reminding himself that he'd already made up his mind not to attend, someone at the studio would bring the subject up. They all knew that he and Kendall had been band mates so the questions kept coming. After talking to his co-stars and execs, some of who were planning on attending, his decision didn't seem to be as clear to him. He had to talk to someone about this. He sat on his couch and dialed a long number.

"Hello? James?"

"Carlitooooooooos! How the hell are you, Buddy!"?

"Yo, Big Bro! I'm doing great. I absolutely love it here in Spain. I'm, like, always really busy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I mean, the weather, the scenery, the food, and the women. Oh, my God, the women! They're so hot and gorgeous. You need to come visit me soon."

James couldn't help but laugh at his friend. Just hearing his voice made him giddy. He missed him terribly and, he knew, that the feeling was mutual. "I know, right? I would love to pick up and join you, but you know that I have to wait until the show goes on hiatus. Even then, my schedule…"

"Ahhhhh. That damn schedule of yours! Just get that Nike ass of yours over here and – and - Just Do It!"

"You're an idiot," James laughed as Carlos joined in. After calming himself, he continued. "Carlos, I actually have a reason for calling you today. Do you know what today is? Did you get an invitation from Kendall at all?"

"Oh yeah, that's today, isn't it? Yes, he sent me one. I tried calling him several times over the span of a few days, but all I get is his voicemail. I've left messages every time but I haven't heard from him. I'm sure he's just busy, is all. He has a lot on his plate."

"Don't do that!" James snapped. "I expect Logan or the girls to make excuses for Kendall but I don't like it when you do it."

"Whoa, Dude! Where did _that _come from?"

James was immediately sorry for his loss of control. He wanted to talk to his friend because he needed to hear a friendly voice. He didn't want to yell or argue. He tempered his tone.

"Sorry, Dude. It's just that things aren't the same between me and K. I don't know. I guess I'm just being stupid."

"James, you _are_ going to go, aren't you?"

"Truthfully, I think I threw the invitation in the trash. I don't think I wanna go. Every time I think of Kendall, it always brings my thoughts to – to –"

"Logan? I thought you didn't think of Logan _like that_ anymore."

"I don't. Not really, anyway. It's just that seeing K's face on the invite threw me off a little. We haven't seen each other face to face in about a year. And that was only because we went to the same award show and bumped into each other. It was bitter sweet, I guess." James sighed. "I'm not going. I can't."

"Yes you can and here's why. Back in the day, you and me and Kendall and Logan swore an oath to God and each other that we would always support each other no matter what the circumstances. I don't know about you, but that oath means something to me. Hell, I almost had a heart attack when I saw Kendall here in Spain to wish me luck on hosting _Survivor: España_! He's the last person I expected to see. It meant a lot to me that all you guys showed up last year."

"Yeah, I remember. We did have a good time together, I have to admit. For a moment there, it felt like we were all back at the Palmwoods pool just being our old stupid, goofy selves."

"So go and do the same thing with Kendall. You know he cares about us. He just has a hard time showing it now because of – well, you know."

"I know. Logan."

"If you can't go for yourself, then do it as a favor to me. I can't leave Spain right now so I need you to tell Kendall that I am sorry for missing his party. I really, _really_ wanted to be there for him. Will you tell him for me, Big Bro?"

"Damn you, Garcia! Why do you have to put me in a situation like this?"

"Because you have to go. You know it. We all promised. You know what the right thing to do is. You didn't need me to tell you, but I'm glad you called anyway. I'm so happy to hear your voice, Dumb Ass."

Carlos' attempt to lift James' mood half way worked. He didn't get a laugh but at least James had a crooked smile on his face. He could never say "no" to Carlos even when he'd wanted to do stupid and reckless things. He was forever his buddy's wingman.

"Alright! You're right. I'll just suck it up and go see K. I suppose it's time for one of us to be the bigger man anyway."

"Then, you're going?"

"I'm going. I'm going. I swear, if this thing sucks, I'll fly to Europe tomorrow just to kick your ass!"

"Bring it on, sit com boy! And, listen, _please_ tell K that I wish I could be there but we're shooting on location tomorrow and I can't get away. I'll totally make it up to him."

"Yeah, I'll tell him. Thanks for talking me down, Bro. I wish you were here with me, you know that. Carlos, I – You know, I – "

"Yeah, I know. Me, too, Dude. Me, too."

"See you soon?"

"You know it! My love to the gang, ok? Later days!"

James hung up the phone with a happy smile on his face. Carlos had always made him feel better. If he were attracted to him, he'd be a perfect match for him. He liked his close friendship with him. He'd have to preserve it forever.

He got up and went to the bedroom hoping against hope that Kendall's invitation was still there. He picked up the small chrome garbage can but saw it was empty. "Dammit!" he yelled. "Shit!"

Just as he was setting the can down, Leticia came quickly into the room. "Mr. Yaymes! Are you okay?"

"Oh, sorry, Letty. I was just looking for something that I shouldn't have thrown out. It was days ago, though, so I really didn't expect to find it."

His housekeeper walked across the room to James' desk. She opened the top drawer and reached inside.

"This looked important to me so I saved it. I forgot to ask you about it the next day. I meant to, really. I'm sorry, Sir." She handed the opened invite to James.

"This is it! This is what I was looking for. You are a lifesaver goddess, Letty! I think I'm going to kiss you now." He leaned over and gave the surprised woman a kiss on the cheek and a bear hug. She blushed after he let her go. "I'll remember this at Christmas Bonus time, I promise."

"You so silly, Mr. Yaymes! I see you next week." She gathered her belongings in the kitchen and let herself out the front door. As she left, her mood was high as she thought of how lucky she was that she had clients as nice and caring as James Diamond.


	7. Chapter VII

**The Sound of Thunder**

The mansion Kendall's record company had leased him was huge. He probably only used about 30% of the house's living area. There were rooms that he hadn't even been in. Yet, almost every inch of the house was inhabited that night. The flashing lights inside, the spotlights on the front lawn, the loud music, and flowing drinks all let everyone know that this was A PARTY! Another hint might be all the beautiful people milling around. Every type of person could be found. Dak Zevon and his crew were there surrounded by starlets and models hoping to be the next in line on his list of conquests. Kendall recognized his new boss and several corporate executives and their wives and partners.

"Look at all these people", he whispered to himself, amazed at the turnout. The party was a who's who in Hollywood: Pitt, Jolie, Timberlake, Gaga, Jonas, Bieber, and on and on. "Just need fucking Joan Rivers at the door!" He chuckled at himself. He didn't have time for more observations of his guests, though. He had to get himself and the band ready for their first set of the evening. He moved from his secluded spot at the top of the staircase and went to the house's dance floor where all the musical equipment had been set up. His band was already there, waiting for him. He smiled at them as they got down to the pre-show set up list. This was going to be good.

In the sea of people on the main floor, James walked around and greeted a few of his co-stars. The network president had requested that he take a picture with his giggling 13-year-old daughter. He was glad to, of course. He continued to mingle when he saw a welcome sight.

"Jo!" he yelled. She looked up and saw him. The smile that spread across her face was contagious. A smiling James made his way to her and gave her a little kiss. She hugged him tightly.

"You bastard! We both live in L.A. and I never see you. Why is that, huh?"

James smiled sheepishly. "You know how it is, Jo. Busy, busy, busy! So, what about you? Your hands are broken or something? You can call me, too, you know."

"Oh, shut up and come on." She grabbed his arm and led the way.

"Where're we going?"

"The mansion's dance floor is where Kendall has his stuff set up. They'll be starting their first set soon and I want a good spot. I helped plan some of this, you know."

They talked about their lives and current projects, their loves and heartbreaks. They remembered and shared stories from the Palmwoods, amazed that they'd ended up where they were now. Occasionally, they'd laugh and it seemed like time hadn't passed for them. They felt very comfortable with each other and it showed.

While they were talking, steam started to roll down from the elevated dance floor's hidden fog machines. The house lights dimmed and stage lights began to come alive. The crowd grew quickly as people practically ran into the room, not wanting to miss a thing. A blue/green neon sign was lowered behind the band slowly flashing "HEFF ROAD" over and over again. It was almost hypnotic to the crowd.

The band started to play the first single from the album. Just as the stage lights were flashing and the smoke was billowing, Kendall's form rose on a platform set up behind the stage. In dark silhouette, Kendall's hips began to gyrate to the beat of his song, laser beams lovingly caressing his body. With a bright flash, two pyrotechnical explosions went off on either side of the stage. At that precise moment, Kendall jumped from his platform, over the drummer, to his place on the middle of the stage. Of course, the crowd went wild with cheers and applause wanting more. Kendall was not about to disappoint them. He sang the new single to the approving and rapturous crowd.

"**Word Up**, Los Angeleeees!" he yelled into his microphone, fists in the air, causing the crowd to erupt in loud cheers and applause. He laughed, basking in the crowd's approval and adoration.

As the music for Kendall's second song began to play, James had to admit that his former band mate was putting on a great show. And, Kendall strutting in his black leather jacket, black boots, torn black beater, and the tightest black leather jeans he'd ever seen, made him forget that he knew this guy. James couldn't help but see what Logan saw in him, how hungry it must have made him looking at _that_! He hated Kendall a little bit more. He was good at his new image, but James wondered how much of the real Kendall, the Kendall he'd known and trusted and grew up with, was left inside this person.

The third and final song of the first set came to an end. The sweaty crowd was moved to applaud and cheer as loudly as they could. Seeing Kendall close up and in person, even some of the celebrities seemed to be star struck as he passed by them. Through the adoring crowd, fist bumping and "high fiving", he made his way to the back of the room, finding the exit.

The lights were slowly turned up and the crowd was directed to return to the main room. Jo and James were already ahead of the crowd as they entered the main hall. The hall filled up quickly. Luckily, the duo had already gone to the bar and ordered their drinks before the big time rush of people arrived. Refreshments in hand, they walked around and talked to strangers, co-workers, and industry insiders. They both turned as the room broke out in applause.

Kendall and his band made their entrance, occasionally stopping to greet guests like he knew them personally. Luckily he had his manager, Fitz, to whisper in his ear. The man knew almost everything about everyone. He was a great resource but a bit abrasive. Still, he'd been the one who had taken Kendall this far in his career.

Kendall continued to schmooze his guests, making the rounds within the huge room. He came to Jo and James, looking surprised, and immediately hugged and kissed her. He turned and saw James looking at him, a half smile on his face.

"Hey, K. Good show, Man. Really good."

Kendall went to hug him, but James had his hand out as if to shake his hand. They both chuckled as they switched their greeting. But now, Kendall had his hand out and James moved in for a hug.

"We _will_ figure this out, James!" Kendall said laughing. They both ended up giving each other an awkward hug.

They only spoke for a few minutes since Fitz was hurrying Kendall along. The agent wanted him to speak to as many people as possible to insure Heff Road's success and popularity. After the third reminder to keep going, Kendall, looking annoyed at his manager, reluctantly moved on from his friends. As he made the rounds, his eyes kept straying back to Jo and James, glancing at them several times.

Jo's phone started to vibrate. She took it out of her impossibly tiny purse and looked at the display. "Shit!"

"What's wrong, Jo? Is there a problem?"

"Well, I guess, hopefully not. I need to take this call. Will you excuse me while I take care of some East Coast stuff? I'll be back in a minute, I promise."

James nodded and she was gone, phone against her ear. He smirked at the thought of Jo being an important agent in a field full of great agents. He was happy for her success. They'd all come a long way. He looked around the room, scanning it for someone that he actually wanted to talk to and not just schmooze. He'd given up when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to face the offender who may have gotten fingerprints on his new silk shirt.

The wide grin that greeted him made his annoyance melt away. He let out a high-pitched yelp and immediately took the guy in his arms, hugging and spinning him around like a kid. For James, the night had all been worth it for this.

"Logaaaaaan! What the f-? When did you-? Logaaaaaan!"

"James!" Logan exclaimed. "You're crushing me, James!" Logan was laughing as he spun around in his friend's muscular arms.

James put his friend down and gave him a proper bear hug. Logan returned it, happy to see his friend again after being apart for so long. He made a mental note to call and visit James more often from now on.

"When did you get in? I didn't even know you were coming for this."

"Yeah, it was a last minute deal. Camille really wanted to come and she wouldn't let up on me until I promised to accompany her. So, here I am!"

"But, where is she?"

"We flew in together but are staying in different hotels. I called her and she said she's on her way over. So, Mr. Diamond of _Diamonds In the Rough_ fame, what's the haps with you?"

James laughed and told Logan all that was happening with him and his series. As he was speaking, he realized how easy it was to talk to Logan. It's as if they were picking up where they'd left off months ago. The sentiment made James feel warm all over. _I guess the scotch helps, too!_

As the guys were conversing, they both noticed when Jo and Camille entered the hall walking towards them hand in hand. When Camille saw James, she immediately threw herself dramatically into James' arms. In an equally dramatic fashion, he kissed Camille's lips and caressed her cheek. They both broke into laughter and hugged.

Jo and Logan exchanged glances and rolled their eyes at what they'd just witnessed. They both smiled and Logan kissed Jo quickly on her lips. "You look good, Woman! You should represent yourself as a model!" She giggled like a schoolgirl and softly punched Logan's shoulder. As way of apology, she held Logan's hand as they joined the conversation.

Realization spread on James' face. "Wait! Jo, was Camille the East Coast thing you had to take care of just now?"

She flashed him a wide smile before sticking out her tongue at him. They all laughed at her.

"What're you working on now, Jo? Any new big clients lately?" Logan asked.

"Actually, I'm glad you asked." She turned to James. "Dude, I need a favor from you, if that's okay."

"What's up? If I can, you know I'll help you out."

"Well, I took in a meeting with the producers from your show the other day. Just between us, it seems that your co-star is on her way out. Apparently, she is being very difficult to work with. The show has asked me to begin looking for an actress so they can recast her character. Since you're the male lead, I was wondering if you had any thoughts on whom I should ask. After all, you'll be the one who has to see her every day!"

"Ooooh, an actress being fired. I feel for her. It's not fun getting your walking papers. _I_ should know!" Camille threw her arm across her face, as if shading it from imaginary sunlight.

Logan laughed then abruptly stopped as a crazy thought came to him. "Camille! Why don't you put your hat in the ring and go for that female lead? Wouldn't it be great to work with James?"

James' eyes widened as he thought about his buddy's idea. "I like it!" he exclaimed, looking at Camille. "You should totally do it."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute, you guys. You're forgetting that I have a play back in New York. My contract is coming up and I want to re-sign with them. I just can't - "

"Yes you can. By the time you end your run, I'll suddenly announce what a coup it would be to have a Broadway actress on the cast. Then, I'll give them your name." Jo continued, looking at James. "Then you tell the producers that you'd love to work with Camille. Butter them up a little, you know?"

Camille looked from James to Jo and back again. "Seriously? We could be together again like the old days?"

"Yes!" exclaimed James and Jo simultaneously. Logan snickered as he nodded his head. He liked the idea, even though it would mean losing his best girl friend in the process. Her career was more important. He'd support whatever decision she would make.

"Group hug!" James yelled. They all moved in and wrapped their arms around each other, trying to hold on to the moment forever. After they separated, James said, "Now we just have to figure a way to have Logan move back to the West Coast. That would be awesome!"

"No, sorry. I'm not part of this deal. I have so much work at the hospital that it'll take a few years before we have it all perfected. And, I'm afraid, I'm there for the duration. It's okay, though. It's where I want to be. I love it!"

"I didn't want you here anyway," James said, pouting. Logan punched him on the shoulder causing James to wince in mock pain.

"I'm going to get a drink. Anyone want something?" They all declined so Logan left for the nearest bar in the room. He had to admit, he was actually having fun. He was happy seeing his friends and was feeling a very nice buzz making the evening even more pleasant. _Who'd a thunk it?_ He chuckled at himself.

After getting his drink, he made his way back to his friends. On the way, however, he was stopped by a couple of girls who danced with him to the music blaring from the loudspeakers. He moved on from them and bumped into a blond surfer type who started to grind against him, his smile radiating in the flashing darkness. Logan danced with him until the song was over and gave him a quick kiss as a thank you.

_Yeah, this is a good night! A very good night!_

**Author's Note: **I wasn't going to post an A/U but I just wanted to let you know that I have a little vid for this chapter on YouTube. I wasn't going to post any videos for this story but inspiration hit me. The link is the same as for the videos I posted for _The Edge_. It can be found on my profile page. I hope you guys like it. Thanks everyone!


	8. Chapter VIII

**The Sound of Thunder**

After making small talk, shaking hands, having his picture taken by the press and assorted bloggers, Kendall made his way upstairs so he could take a short breather from everyone. After drinking some bottled water and wiping his brow, he was almost ready to go back down to the main room and continue his conquest of the crowd. He made his way to the top of the roped off main staircase. He'd watched the guests from that spot earlier and now he was back, observing the crowd. He continued to be pleased with the turnout when he spotted something among the partying guests. He involuntarily leaned in, as if he would be able to hear what they were saying.

James, Jo, and Camille were talking to each other, smiling and laughing. Kendall could tell that the affection they showed each other was genuine. He smiled as he watched them, memories of their younger selves running through his mind. His smile faded as he realized that the camaraderie he'd felt for them had seemed to fade over the years. He was saddened that that was lost to him. He yearned to have his true friends back again.

Kendall was about to leave when he spotted someone joining the trio. He squinted his eyes as realization of who he was seeing set in. His eyes went wide and the gasp that escaped him echoed upstairs. Still wide eyed, he stared as his ex-husband joined in on the conversation the other three were having.

"Logan," he whispered to himself. His eyes, which were scanning the crowd earlier, stopped on his ex-husband and didn't seem to want to move on. _Dammit! He still has a hold on me. _

As Logan rejoined his friends, he put his arm around James' waist, which earned him the famous Diamond smile, and an arm around his shoulders. They continued to make small talk when Logan felt something behind him. He had the eerie sensation that someone was watching him. Instinctively, he turned around and looked behind him. Nothing. He looked up and saw movement in the shadows at the top of the grand staircase. That was the instant he saw him. There was no one else it could be. _Kendall!_

James noticed where Logan was looking. He followed his pal's gaze and barely made out a figure staring at them from upstairs. He recognized Kendall's form and was compelled to hug Logan even tighter. He leaned close to Logan's ear and whispered into it, aware what it may have looked like to Kendall. James wanted the ex to know that Logan was free and that he was interested in pursuing him.

Logan broke his gaze from Kendall and nodded to James, a big smile adorning his face. The boys excused themselves from the girls and walked through the crowd to the terrace. The warm L.A. evening was intoxicating as they made their way to the guardrail.

Kendall saw what James did and ran to his master bedroom. From his huge picture window, he had a perfect view of the terrace below. He quickly turned off the room's lights and looked down at his friends talking to each other. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but Kendall didn't like the way James was invading Logan's personal space. He didn't like it one bit.

"What's up, James?" Logan asked him. "What did you have to tell me that was so life and death?"

James swallowed hard, unsure how to proceed. He knew that this would probably be his only chance to tell his best buddy how he felt, but the words didn't seem to want to come. He looked nervously around and was glad that he and Logan were the only ones outside. Their isolation from the crowd emboldened him.

"Logie, I don't know where to begin. I never thought that I would be having this conversation with you. Not _after_ your marriage to Kendall, not _before_ your marriage to Kendall, not _ever_. It's just that I've had to bury feelings that I had along time ago." He paused trying to gather his thoughts so that they made sense to him. "Feelings are a funny thing, Logan. They seem to go away but then suddenly they make their presence known, sometimes overwhelmingly."

Logan was eyeing his friend with a look of confusion on his face. He had no idea where James was heading with this talk. Was he speaking about him and Kendall? Is that what was bringing out "buried feelings" in James?

"I don't understand. What are you trying to say to me, Bro? Just tell me." He smiled at his buddy trying to put him more at ease. He reached out and gently took hold of his arm. "It's okay. You can tell me anything."

James took a deep breath and started his explanation. "Logan, when we were in Big Time Rush, I lied to you – to all of us. You see, I've always felt that Kendall beat me to it. Not that I blame him. You two seemed so right for each other. I just wanted to see my two best buds happy, is all. I – I…"

"James, are you saying what I _think_ you're saying?" Logan was dumbfounded at the prospect. Maybe he'd heard wrong. Maybe James was trying to tell him something else. The look on James' face, however, told him that he hadn't misinterpreted what he'd heard. He swallowed hard and looked at his friend. "What- what, um- how? Why?"

"I realized a split second too late that I felt something more than friendship for you. When you briefly quit BTR and you were gone, those were the darkest hours of my life. Kendall wasn't the only one going crazy with worry and grief. The thought of not seeing you again was agonizing." James had a far away look in his eyes. "So very agonizing," he repeated, in a hushed tone. His eyes came alive again and he found himself in the present. He smiled nervously at his buddy and continued. "I had feelings for you, Logan. That's what I'm trying to say!"

Logan took James by the hand and led him away from the railing to the wall closest to them. He didn't want anyone to overhear what they were discussing. He didn't care for himself, but he was thinking about James' image right now. Logan rested his back against the wall as he looked at James with concern.

"Dude, I never had any idea! You should have said something to me back then."

"How could I? I saw the way you and K acted around each other, how you both looked at one another and I knew you were both into it. There was no way that I could ever compete with that. But now that you two aren't together anymore…" He let the sentence trail off.

"James, I - "

"No," James said moving closer to Logan. "Don't say anything. Just let me do this." He placed his hands on the wall on either side of Logan's face and leaned in.

Feeling where this was going, Logan placed both hands on James' chest with the intention of pushing him back. When he felt James' warmth and defined muscles under his thin silk shirt, however, his resolve weakened. He didn't push him away. He didn't want to.

Sensing Logan's conflict, James leaned in further until his elbows were resting on the wall and his face was just centimeters away from Logan's. The feeling of Logan's hands on his chest was invigorating and exciting. He decided to go for it. He leaned in and captured Logan's lips with his own. He felt Logan's hands move from his chest to his back as he pulled him closer.

The guys separated and looked into each other's eyes for a second. They smiled and touched their foreheads together, both surprised at what had just transpired. They chuckled together and held each other, enjoying each other's presence.

Kendall's mouth shaped itself into a silent "Oh" as he watched the figures on the terrace below. When he saw James move in to Logan for a kiss, he felt his jaw clenching and his hands turn to fists. He didn't want to see this but he had to know what was going on between those two. Though he no longer had any right to know or approve of what Logan did, his heart wasn't getting the message his brain was sending it. _Logan is free to do as he pleases. Why should I care?_

He watched as they talked and flinched a bit when Logan touched James' cheek, or arm, or fixed his hair. He stood there like a deer in headlights, frozen to inaction, mesmerized at the scene before him. He leaned in toward the glass as he saw James moving in for another kiss. That did it. _Who the hell am I trying to kid? I care! __**I **__**care!**_

Kendall ran down the hall to the edge of the staircase. He climbed on the banister and slid all the way down to the floor below. _I always wanted to try that! _He smiled at the thought then ran to the terrace doors, not stopping for well-wishers and fans. He couldn't. He finally reached the terrace doors where he abruptly stopped. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep, calming breath. He shoved the doors open and casually walked outside.

The slam of doors made Logan and James jump. They looked to where the sound had come from and saw a lone guest walking outside. They separated and stood up straight as they noticed that the figure, decked out in black, was walking directly towards them.

Logan's breath caught as realization hit him. He knew exactly who this was. _Kendall. It's Kendall! _He felt his heart rate begin to accelerate and the beginnings of moisture on his palms. He tried to calm himself but only partially succeeded. Kendall's walk was instantly recognizable and erotic to him. He'd always loved how Kendall moved, his flow and grace.

James saw Kendall walking to them. He was suddenly angry that he'd have to put on his best "invited guest" face and let the host interrupt them. He assured himself that this would only be a slight delay. He would not leave this party until he'd had his say to Logan. James smiled at Kendall as he stopped in front of the pair.

He didn't notice James' smile. Kendall looked at Logan. Logan looked at Kendall. Their eyes were locked on each other. The world had suddenly fallen away and neither of them cared. For a split second, they only existed for each other, the past forgotten.

Their silent conversation was painfully evident to James. He looked from one to the other and decided to give them a moment together. He cleared his throat causing Logan to look at him. Kendall still only had eyes for Logan.

"Hey, look, I'm going to give you guys a chance to catch up. I'll go see what kind of trouble Jo and Camille are getting into. And, Logan? I want to finish the conversation we were having earlier. Don't forget."

Logan nodded his head to James. He reluctantly left them alone, on a mission to find the girls.

Logan's eyes traveled back to Kendall's who hadn't broken his gaze from him since he'd opened the doors. He had a crooked smile on his face. His smile was like that of a little boy who'd been caught doing something wrong but was so adorably cute that he wouldn't be punished. That innocence mixed in with his black bad boy eye make-up and tight leather clothes made Logan's toes curl in his shoes.

Kendall gently took Logan's hand in his, feeling the familiar warmth and softness. _What do I say? What __**can**__ I say? _He'd thought that the launch party would be the hardest and most challenging part of the evening. He was wrong. Holding his ex-husband's hand brought back feelings and memories he thought he'd buried deep within himself a long time ago.

Kendall Knight was wrong about that, too.


	9. Chapter IX

**The Sound of Thunder**

"Hi, Baby," Kendall said in a low, whispering voice, breaking the silence between them.

Logan rolled his eyes at him, a smile threatening to spread over his face. He wanted to act angry or annoyed or indifferent. He wanted to lash out and yell at him for what he'd done to them. But, knowing that Kendall still considered him his "baby" made him feel excited and giddy inside. Secretly, he loved it.

Kendall let go of Logan's hand and reached out and caressed the side of Logan's face. Closing his eyes, Logan leaned in to his touch, remembering the soft feel of his hand on his skin. After a second or two, Kendall gathered his ex into his arms, taking in all that he'd loved about Logan.

Logan involuntarily melted into Kendall's arms. Logan rested his head against his shoulder, his face just inches from Kendall's neck, taking in his scent and warmth. His head was reeling, surprised that he still had such a strong hold on him.

Their arms already wrapped around each other, they looked into each other's eyes. The hug they'd shared was not going to be enough. Kendall moved in and gave Logan a soft, sweet kiss. Logan responded to him but was disappointed when they broke their little kiss. He took Kendall's face in both his hands and gave him a long, deep, passionate kiss, pleasantly surprising Kendall in the process.

Kendall laced his fingers with Logan's and led him to the edge of the terrace, leaning them against the railing. Both looked out on the L.A. skyline, taking in its beauty and majesty for a moment.

Logan turned his head to Kendall. "So, what's new?" he asked, immediately realizing how lame the question was.

They looked at each other for a moment and broke into laughter.

"What's new, huh?" Kendall asked, still chuckling at the question. "Well, I'm throwing a little party tonight for a few hundred of my closest friends, but that's about it. What about _you_, Doctor Mitchell? What's new with you?"

"That's Doctor Mitchell-_Knight_. And, I don't know. Just spending a little time in L.A., my old stomping grounds. I had to visit a friend, you see. He needed me to hold his hand while he debuted his new little project. That's about it, I suppose." Logan grinned at him.

Kendall would have laughed but something that Logan said made his eyes smile. "You kept the name, Logie?"

Logan, realizing what he'd said, blushed a little, thankful that it was dark. He'd never told Kendall that he was going to keep his last name for professional purposes. That, however, was only a half-truth. He'd kept his name because he'd wanted to preserve a piece of his history with Kendall. He'd wanted something tangible to remind him of how happy and in love they'd been with each other once.

"Yeah, well…"

"That's so cool, Baby." He leaned over and gave the side of Logan's forehead a quick peck before turning back to the city's brilliant skyline, looking at it as if for the first time.

They continued to talk, both surprised at how comfortable and effortless the conversation seemed to be. Both talked about their new interests, goals, and careers plans. They were both suitably impressed with their respective accomplishments and honors.

During their conversation, a little flirting started to creep in to the mix. Kendall would say something, making Logan blush a little. Logan would "accidentally" brush his hand against Kendall's and bat his eye lashes as if he was surprised at the physical contact. Occasionally, they'd laugh and look at each other, both captured by the other's gaze, neither quite believing that the other was actually standing in front of him.

In one of the rare lulls in their conversation, Logan rested his head against Kendall's shoulder and the blond responded in kind by resting his head on top of the shorter guy's head. Neither of them could help it. It just felt natural, normal – and right.

Unexpectedly, they heard the doors open and someone yelled out, "KENDALL!" They both turned and saw Fitz looking around frantically, searching for someone. He spotted them and walked quickly to the pair. He was out of breath and had an angry face. He stopped and bored holes into his client with his eyes. "Where the hell have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you!"

Kendall grinned at him. "Sorry, Fitz. Oh, by the way, let me introduce you to my – to Logan."

Fitz didn't even spare Logan a glance. "Yes, yes. So very happy, happy," he said in an annoyed tone. "Now, _you _have to get inside and mingle. This is a very important night for you – for us! I need you to focus on that..." He looked at Logan. "…not on anything else, understand? Now, come on back inside!"

"Fitz, you don't have to be rude. I'll be back inside in a minute."

"Some of the VIP's want to see you. I can't keep them waiting. C'mon, Knight! Let's GO!" He put a hand on Kendall's arm, intending to pull him toward the doors.

"I said, IN A MINUTE, Fitz_gerald_!" Kendall gave his manager the death stare. Fitz knew better than to push him beyond this point. He could usually control his client, but noting Kendall's clenched jaw and raised eyebrow, he knew better than to push him any further. He removed his hand from his client's arm.

Logan stepped in and tried to ease the situation. "Kendall, maybe you'd better go and see some of those people." When Kendall started to protest, he continued. "It's okay, trust me. This is for your career. I totally understand."

Kendall gave a frustrated sighed. "Wait by the door, Fitz." The older man did as he was told and walked away, nodding once at Logan as he departed.

"Busy, busy for the pretty, pretty?" Logan joked. They giggled together, remembering Big Time Rush's first photo shoot. Logan smiled. "Really, you'd better go."

Logan's smile was brilliant. It's as if he was collecting all the moonlight and it was radiating out of him through his smile. Kendall pulled him close, their faces a few mere inches from each other. "Promise me you won't leave. I have to go do this, but I want you to stay so we can talk some more." Kendall's eyes were pleading, something that he no longer needed to do with anyone.

"Aw, Dude. I have a really early flight tomorrow. I don't know if I – "

"C'mon, Lo. Promise me you'll wait for me." Kendall's pouty face had the desired effect.

"I promise you I'll – I'll _try_."

"I'll take that! I'll be back in a few." He turned and started walking to a waiting Fitz. He stopped suddenly, a knowing grin spreading across his face, and returned to Logan. Kendall took his hand and, like a prince kissing his lady's hand, lifted it to his lips. He gave Logan a kiss on his healing fingers and gently let go. He did a half bow and he was gone, smiling widely, knowing that Logan ate that stuff up. He didn't have to look behind him to know that his ex was blushing and grinning widely.

Kendall entered the main hall and was immediately surrounded by a sea of people. He smiled and nodded his head as greetings and compliments rained down on him. The adoration was the best feeling in the world for him. It made him feel free and alive and relevant. There was only one thing that could compare to this dizzying high and he was standing on the terrace, waiting for him to return.

James noticed the commotion and craned his neck to get a better look. He noticed his friend had come in alone. That meant that Logan was still outside. He excused himself from Jo and Camille and went back to the terrace, praying that Logan was still there.

He slowly made his way through the partying crowd and opened the doors to the outside world. He paused to straighten his tie and pass his hands through his hair. He took out a small vial of breath spray and took a squirt. He felt ready as he spotted Logan and moved to him.

Logan was still enjoying the mild California weather. The gentle breeze tickled his face as it blew past the huge house. Los Angeles seemed like a dreamland, all lit up and shining against the dark hills. It reminded Logan of what Dorothy might have seen when she saw the Emerald City for the first time – a place of beauty and promise and wonder. He closed his eyes and leaned into the wind.

James stopped directly behind his friend, realizing that Logan was lost in his own thoughts, not noticing his presence. He moved in until his body was pressed against Logan's. James slowly moved his arms and wrapped them around his shorter friend's waist, hugging him gently but firmly, resting his chin on his shoulder.

Logan smiled at the surprise hug from behind. Kendall was back faster than he thought he'd be. He leaned back and raised his hand to caress his ex's cheek. He leaned up to give his cheek a kiss when he suddenly realized his mistake.

"James! Dude, I'm so sorry." Logan disengaged himself from his friend, embarrassed at his assumption. "I thought it was – Nobody. Never mind." He straightened himself and faced James, regaining some of his composure.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, trust me. I thought that hug was nice – very nice." James lowered his voice seductively. "Just like I think _you're_ nice."

Logan tried to change the subject. He could feel his face getting warm. "Where are the girls?"

"Oh, they're in there dancing with a couple of guys from Europe, or something. They seem to be having fun!"

"I guess we'd better get back inside and make sure. How 'bout it?" Logan straightened himself as if to leave.

"Wait a sec, Logie. We really haven't finished our talk from earlier. I still have a lot to say to you. But first and foremost in my mind is one question and I need you to be honest with me."

"I always have been, James. You know that."

James nodded his head. "Do you think that we could ever, you know, be more than just friends? Is there any way that you could picture us together as lovers and partners?" James swallowed hard waiting for Logan to answer.

"Wow, James. This is a lot to take in all at once. Remember, I didn't even know that you had feelings for me! I don't know. I really can't say right now. I have to process all of this first."

That was not the answer James wanted or expected. His face fell a little as he tried to shrug it off, but couldn't. His eyes downcast, he didn't want to face Logan for fear of tears springing to his eyes.

Sensing James' hurt, Logan reached down and took his hand, trying to take the sting out of his answer. "I'm not saying 'no', but I definitely will need more time with this. Can you at least understand that?"

James didn't answer. He turned to Logan and took his other hand as well, facing him. "Logan, I know you've been hurt before. I get that. But, I'm not Kendall and, I swear to you on all that I hold sacred, I would never hurt you like that. We'd write our own story, chapter by glorious chapter. I'd like to at least find out where this could take us."

Logan didn't know what to say. This conversation was strangely familiar to him. Kendall had also wanted to "take this journey together" and to "see where this leads us." He didn't want to repeat the mistakes from the past, not with another one of his closest friends. Still, he knew James was a good, decent, lovable guy with a great depth of feeling. He'd always liked that about his friend. Not to mention, he was still a hunk.

James continued. He let go of Logan's hands and turned to look out on the sprawling garden below. Not taking his eyes off the scenery, he asked quietly, "Do you still have feelings for Kendall? Is that it?"

Logan was caught off guard. He'd been flirting with Kendall earlier, but hadn't really considered how he actually, truly felt about his ex-husband. He tried to answer but was only able to stammer a tongue-tied reply.

"Well, I – The thing is – We are, you know – We – "

"_There_ you guys are! We've been looking all over for you!" Camille and Jo walked towards them relieved that they hadn't left the party. "What are you guys doing out here? The party's in there!" Camille pointed unsteadily to the mansion.

_Saved by the bell! Thank God for tipsy girl friends!_ Logan breathed a sigh of relief, thankful for the respite. He knew, however, that James wasn't done with him yet. Not by a long shot_._


	10. Chapter X

**The Sound of Thunder**

"Somebody's had a few tonight," Jo explained as she held on to Camille.

"That's not true," she pouted, looking at no one in particular. "I've only had a few!" Camille hiccupped.

The other three snickered at their friend. After looking a bit angry at their snickers, Camille broke out into real laughter. The others had no choice but to join her.

"What _are_ you guys doing out here?" Jo asked them. "Did you get a chance to speak to Kendall, Logan?"

The smile on James' face faded at the mention of the host's name. He looked at Logan who was trying not to act excited that he'd seen his ex-husband. He knew that he was downplaying it for his benefit. He didn't like that. If he and Kendall were destined to compete with each other for Logan's affections, James needed to know exactly what Logan was thinking and feeling, even if it was about Kendall.

"Yeah, we got to chat for a minute until his manager came out to get him. I don't know if I like that guy. He seems like a control freak. Kind of rude, too."

"Sorry about that. I should have prepared you before you met Fitz. Actually, his bark is worse than his bite. And, truthfully, he's good at what he does. He kinda reminds me of Gustavo Rocque in that way."

They all looked at each other in silence as they remembered Gustavo. He'd taken the boys on the wild ride that was Big Time Rush. They all both loved and hated the man for making their lives a living hell one moment, then taking them to the top of the music world the next, giving them their dream.

"Good old, Gustavo." James said. "May he rest in peace."

"Here, here!" Logan responded. He remembered attending his old boss' funeral the previous year. He'd been the only member of the band to do so. Kelly had been so grateful that she'd had a real friend among the many mourners. Now, Kelly was the one calling the shots at Rocque Records, building on her mentor's success.

"I think I'm gonna be sick!" Camille exclaimed, bringing the others out of their Gustavo memories.

"Oh, shit!" James exclaimed. "Face the other way! Face the other way! This is imported silk!"

Jo was about to tell James what an unfeeling ass he was when Camille heaved but nothing happened. James took her gingerly by the arm and led her to the edge of the railing. "There. That's better," he told her. "Have at it!"

Camille didn't need to be told twice. James made his signature high-pitched yelp as his friend proceeded to add her distinctive, malodorous stamp to the garden below. This was one evening they'd all remember!

After she was back to normal, Logan examined his friend, wanting to make sure that her alcohol consumption was the reason for her sudden sickness. Satisfied, he suggested that Jo take her home to get some rest.

"Do you guys want to come with? We could all hang like we used to. Who knows when we'll get a chance like this again?"

James was the first to enthusiastically answer. "I'm in! I could use a nightcap. Wanna go, Logan? It'll be fun!"

Logan wanted to go and visit with his old friends. He really did. But he'd promised Kendall that he'd wait for him as long as he could. "I don't know. I think Kendall wanted to tell me something a little later. I kinda want to hang here a little longer. But, you guys should go. I'll be cool here."

James was instantly disappointed. "Aw, Logie. Are you sure?" he asked, looking deeply into Logan's eyes.

"Yeah, I kinda promised. But you can go. So, GO!" he said, smiling at his pal.

"Alright. Call me if you change your mind. I'll come back and get you, okay?"

Logan nodded at James. He hugged him and gave Jo a kiss. He turned to Camille and kissed her on the forehead.

Jo took one arm and James the other as they led their still tipsy friend out to Jo's car. After they entered the house, Camille straightened herself as she moved to the booming beats of the blaring music.

"Woo hoo! Let's dance!" She immediately disappeared into the dancing crowd, leaving both of her friends with their mouths gaping, dumbfounded.

Jo, yelling over the music, told James, "I'll get her. We'll just meet you at my place." She gave him a peck on the cheek and proceeded to chase after her friend. "Camiiiiille!"

James turned to go but then something occurred to him. Logan thought he was gone. This would be a perfect opportunity to watch the exes interact together. He needed to know if a relationship with Logan could actually be a possibility or if he was destined to be forever in Kendall's orbit. He moved to a place near the terrace doors so he could keep on eye on them, seeing who came and went.

An hour passed. Then another. Logan was getting bored and restless waiting for his ex to make his reappearance. While waiting, he'd talked to a few guests who'd remembered who he was and even signed a couple of autographs, a little embarrassed at the attention. He sighed and looked at his watch.

"Oh, doodie," he muttered to himself, knowing that his flight was an early one. He was getting tired. Reluctantly, he had to acknowledge that he couldn't stay any longer. He didn't want to leave without saying good-bye to Kendall. He decided to go inside and see if he could spot him to say good night.

James had not moved from his spot and was thankful he hadn't. He spotted Logan as he made his way back into the main hall. He could see his buddy scanning the crowd as if he were trying to find someone. He knew who he was searching for, of course. _Damn Kendall! _He was immediately sorry for his thought. After all, Kendall was still his friend and, like it or not, they shared a mostly happy history together.

Logan stopped looking into the crowd and reached for his cell phone. He tapped out a message and sent it. He proceeded to make his way to the main doors so he could leave the party, stopping once to dance for a couple of minutes with a few college kids.

James saw his friend dancing with a girl and two guys. He smiled as he remembered what an expert schmoozer Logan used to be. He was usually embarrassed when he got one on one attention. In a crowd, however, he came alive, his charm putting everyone at ease. That's one of the many things James loved about him. He walked to him.

Logan was in the main foyer about to exit the front door when he heard his name being called. He turned and was surprised to see James walking quickly toward him.

"Hey there!" James exclaimed, stopping in front of him.

"Hey. I thought you left with the girls. What're you still doing here?"

"Well, Camille got away from us so Jo went chasing after her. I forgot that I didn't bring my car. Luckily, I ran into a former fan of Big Time Rush and he volunteered to let me use his limo to take me home. You know, in Hollywood, it pays to be…" He paused and flashed an impossibly white smile, jazz hands at the ready. "…a STAR!" Jazz hands deployed.

"You're so stupid!" Logan said laughingly. James joined in.

"So can we go to Jo's now? I can take you in style!"

Logan looked out at the crowd and bit his lower lip. He saw Kendall but he was surrounded by many of his guests, celebrities, and assorted industry types. It was going to be a long time before he would be able to break free of them. Logan decided to go.

Turning to James, he said, "Ok, Bro. Let's head out."

"Cool! C'mon." James held out his hand, wanting to hold Logan's as they exited.

Logan looked at the hand offered to him and hesitated. "Won't the press see you?"

"So what! We're friends, aren't we? Friends hold hands, don't they? Besides, all the invited press is inside. The paparazzi riff raff is relegated to a very wide perimeter of the house. There's no way they could get a shot of any of the guests as they arrive or leave. Believe me, Jo's thought of everything! Now, let's go!"

Satisfied, Logan smiled as he placed his hand in James'. Holding hands, they exited the house and spotted the limo. They exchanged pleasantries with the driver, who had been told to expect James, and climbed in. The car slowly made its way around the huge circular drive until they met the street. Pulling into traffic, James decided to pick up on their previous discussion.

"So, Logan, about what we were discussing earlier? Have you thought at all about it?"

Logan looked at his pal and smiled weakly. He hadn't had time to process what he'd been told. He couldn't make an informed, logical decision about something so filled with emotional weight. His feelings weren't clear about Kendall much less James. He wasn't ready to answer him yet.

"James, I don't think I can give you an answer tonight. I mean, I _love_ you. That's true enough. I just don't know if I'm _in love_ with you. Do you understand?"

"Logie, I don't want to be kicking myself years from now because I didn't try with you. I don't want to regret, for the rest of my life, not taking a chance with you. All I know is that when I think of you, everything seems better. I've missed you so much. I miss having you in my life on a daily basis."

"I've missed you, too. I've missed not talking to my big bro everyday. I do understand that. But I'm going to ask you to be patient with me. I need more time with this. Can we table this discussion for another time? I'll be in New York by this time tomorrow but we can video chat and talk about this some more. For right now, though, just let me enjoy my one night in Cali with you and the girls. Please?"

Logan's smiling, deep brown eyes got to James. He sighed deeply knowing that he would have to agree with Logan if he didn't want to lose him. He certainly didn't want to push him too far too quickly. He'd have no choice but to understand.

"I suppose," he said in a soft, slightly disappointed voice. "But, I have your word that tomorrow – "

"I swear to you. Video chat right after I get in. I promise." He grinned at James.

Satisfied, James leaned back on the seat making himself more comfortable. At least he hadn't told him to "get lost".

They rode in silence for a few minutes. James moved his arm and put it around Logan's shoulders. He pulled Logan to him a little and started to sing him a familiar song lyric, careful to make sure that he'd sung lead on them in the original recording. He didn't want anything to remind Logan of Kendall right now.

"_Let me take a little moment to find the right words_

_So when I kick it to you, it ain't somethin' that you heard_

_I don't know what kinda guy that you prefer_

_But I know I gotta put myself forward_

_See I think I got the kinda love that you deserve_"

The song brought out a genuinely happy smile from Logan. He was both a little embarrassed and a lot flattered that his friend would sing to him. And, it was definitely a message to him that he should take James' attention seriously. _He can be so sweet sometimes, just utterly captivating! _

Logan leaned over, James' arm still around him, and kissed the taller man on the cheek, lips lingering for a moment. He reclined himself against James' body, making himself comfortable. He lay his head on his shoulder, enjoying the ride next to one of his closest friends. Life was good sometimes.

James, surprised that Logan was laying on him, wrapped his other arm around his diminutive pal, and pulled him gently tighter to him. He could stay like that forever and he was going to do everything possible for that to happen.

Soon, they'd arrived at Jo's condominium. After the driver stopped and opened the door for them, they hopped out of the car and thanked him. James tried to give him a tip but the chauffer refused it, giving him a tip of his hat.

They went inside and rode the elevator to the 11th floor. James rang the bell to 1101. The door opened and a surprised Jo, upon seeing Logan, let out a happy squeal. Camille joined in after she heard Jo's outburst. Laughing at their girlishness, the guys entered the condo, happy they could spend the rest of the night with each other and the best girls in the world.


	11. Chapter XI

**The Sound of Thunder**

It is no coincidence that Kendall found his way to the mansion's foyer area. He'd been chatting up a Vice President in charge of something-or-other from his record label when he felt his phone vibrate in his leather jacket's pocket. He excused himself for a moment and checked his new message.

_K-  
__Had to go. Early flight but wanted to see Jo.  
__Gonna get a ride to her place.  
__Gnight, babe. Party a smash! C U next time?  
__-Lo_

He cursed under his breath, angry that he'd taken longer than he thought he would be. He wanted – no, _needed_ – to talk to Logan. He needed to revel in the spark and energy that flowed between them earlier. It was as good as the energy he was drawing from the throngs of people calling his name and wanting to be close to him. He couldn't let Logan leave California without experiencing that feeling again. It was selfish of him, he knew, but he could have sworn that Logan had felt it, too_. And, if Logan also felt it, how selfish could it be? _He smiled at the logic of his thought.

His grinning face turned to concern, however, when he thought about Logan leaving with James. Out of the corner of his eye, he'd spotted them as he was making his way to the front of the house. There were so many people surrounding him that he couldn't make it to Logan in time. Seeing him and James together hand in hand, he'd made up his mind to follow them. _I need to talk to Logan!_

He turned to go to the base of the roped off staircase. He was about to climb over the rope when his manager called his name.

"Kendall!" Fitz approached his client. "Where are you going, Buddy? The party is going strong and it needs its host. Come on back."

"Fitz, I was just going upstairs to, um, to – "

The older man narrowed his eyes. "Ok, Kendall. Let's _both_ go upstairs, then. We need to talk."

Kendall was disappointed that he wouldn't be able to make a clean getaway from his party. All he was thinking about was getting to Logan. Even if he'd wanted to stop looking for his ex, his body wouldn't have allowed it. It cried out for Logan's touch, for his warmth, for his softness.

The duo climbed the stairs and walked down the long hall to Kendall's bedroom. Fitz closed the door behind them and turned to face Kendall. He was going to have to be firm without crossing the line with his client. He hated confronting Kendall. He was never sure how the younger man would react.

"So, do you want to tell me what you're really doing?" Fitz' tone was calm and measured.

"I just needed to get away from the crowd for a little while and I need my wallet for something." Kendall crossed the room to his dresser and opened the top drawer. His wallet lay inside. He grabbed it and put it in his back pocket.

"Why would you need your wallet for anything?" Realization hit Fitz. "You're not going anywhere, are you?"

Kendall didn't answer. He was looking for the keys to his Ferrari, not paying attention to his manager. He spotted them on the floor by the bed and picked them up.

"Kendall," Fitz tried again. "Where do you think you're going? You can't possibly be thinking about leaving your own party!" His face was plastered in disbelief.

"Fitz, I've got something to do right now. I need to run a very important errand. I'll be back, Bro."

"Whoa! Hold on a sec. Kendall, you can't leave! This party is for you, about you, about your band. What the hell do you mean you're leaving? There's hundreds of people downstairs and we've only spoken to a small percentage of them. You need to get downstairs and get busy talking up a storm for the entertainment press."

"Dude, I just have to go take care of something. I told you I'd be back soon." Kendall's tone was beginning to take a certain annoyed tone that Fitz didn't like. This was when the "un-Kendall" came out and he was unpredictable.

"Why do you refuse to understand that you are the focus here? You are the front man, the face of Heff Road. You can't just disappear into the night chasing a little tail because your ex batted his eyes at you a couple of times! Get real, Kendall! This is business!"

Kendall's eyes flashed at Fitz at the mention of Logan being a mere hook up. He could feel his body tensing up as he listened to his manager, trying to maintain his cool.

The older man continued. "I cannot believe you are going to walk out on all these people, me, the band, the press. Need I go on? You have obligations right here, right now!" Almost sneering, he added, "And what for? A one nighter! What the hell, Kendall?"

Kendall didn't like his manager's implications. His anger was coming to the surface the more Fitz talked about how insignificant his yearning for Logan was. He looked down at the shorter man, his face practically touching his.

"Be _very_ careful, Old Man!" Kendall said slowly, through gritted teeth. "Logan is more than just a mere piece of ass. I'd have thought that you would know that by now since you know _everything_!" Sarcasm dripped from his mouth.

Fitz ignored his client's tone and went on. "Why do I need to remind you of these things? I'm just trying to make what you want a reality. The label has spent millions of dollars to make your new album and tour a major event. How the hell do you get off thinking that this would work on autopilot while you go running around after the ex? Think about it, Kendall! Think before you go and leave us out to dry."

"Dammit, Fitz! I hate it when you lecture me about what my responsibilities are to the band and the label. This is _my_ dream! I know what it took to get me here and, trust me, the world will not end if I go see Logan for a while. Get over yourself!" Kendall crossed the room and sat on the edge of his bed.

"No, Kendall. Stop being so self-centered and selfish! You can have anyone you want. Hell, you can even go and fuck Logan's brains out, if you want. Just not right now! Right now, you have to be here. You have another set in an hour, or have you forgotten about that?"

In his focus to get to Logan, he'd totally forgotten his scheduled second performance. His face betrayed him to his manager. He looked away from him.

"You _did_ forget!" he yelled accusingly. "Get your head on straight! Stop this nonsense or, I swear to God, I'll walk! If you don't listen anymore, what the fuck am I doing here? I don't want to sit here and waste my time!"

Kendall's face was hot with anger. He wasn't a child and would not be lectured to. "Shut up! Just shut up and get out!" His voice carried loudly across the room.

Fitz turned to go. He opened the door and paused before exiting. Looking at Kendall, his voice firm, he said, "I'll expect you downstairs in ten minutes." He left the room.

Kendall shot up from his bed and, in one fluid motion, pulled the lamp on his nightstand out of the wall socket and hurled it to the closed door. The crash was terrific in its loudness. Not satisfied, he threw a wooden box, shattering it on the wall next to the door. His anger cooled somewhat when he noticed that he'd thrown his coke kit. White powder hung in the air as he walked to the broken box and knelt by it. Shards of his mirror and assorted paraphernalia lay all around the small impact area. He saw the silver vial and picked it up, putting it in his pocket.

He knew Fitz was right but he didn't have to like it! He walked back to his nightstand, took out a joint, and lit it. Sitting down again, he could feel the tension lifting, but not his mood. He hated it when Fitz was absolutely, positively right. He knew he didn't have the right to leave with so many people's livelihoods depending on his band's success.

_I'll do the damn set but then, I'm outta here! I don't care what anybody says. _He took a final drag and put out his joint. He went into his master bathroom and splashed water on his face. After drying, he quickly re-applied his dark eye make up and dark lip color. Running his fingers through his hair, he once again looked like the rebel bad boy that he wanted to project to the world.

The second set was just as dramatic as the first. The crowd this time around was a bit rowdier and uninhibited thanks to the free flowing alcohol and assorted "party favors" brought by certain guests. Kendall's body movements and vocals had earned him a few pairs of girl's panties on stage. He knew he had them in his spell. After the last song, smoke filled the raised stage and in a bright flash, he was gone. The crowd erupted in frenzied applause and screams.

Before the crowd or Fitz knew what was going on, Kendall had run off the platform and made his way outside to his car. He was angered once again when he saw that dozens of cars blocked his way. Looking around frantically, he suddenly got an idea. Quickly and quietly, he ran into his huge garage and hopped on one of the half dozen motorcycles given to him by his record label. The garage doors opened and he shot out like a cannon, across the driveway, into the grass, over to the gate. He opened it and was gone, a dark flash in black.

He rode until he arrived at Jo's condo. He knew her security code and let himself in the front door of the building, black helmet in hand. His heart was beating faster and he felt a little sweat on his brow. After the elevator, he found himself in front of Jo's door. Taking a deep breath, he knocked.

A sleepy Jo answered the door. "Kendall? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you still be at the party?"

"Yeah, I know but – Is Logan here?" He couldn't contain his enthusiasm and it showed.

"Aw, no, he's not. He and James were here earlier but they left about a half hour ago." She saw the look of disappointment on Kendall's face. The boyish enthusiasm she'd seen only a moment ago faded entirely.

Kendall nodded his head at the news, his gaze squarely on his boots.

"I'm so sorry. I wish you had told me you were coming. I'd have tried to keep them here longer. Do you want to come in and talk?" She opened the door wider to let him pass.

"Nah. Thanks, though. I'll just go back home – or not. I wish I could go back to a quiet house where I could be alone with my thoughts, but I can't. Who knows how long Fitz and the execs want to party!"

He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and turned to go, his heart heavy and in pain.

"Wait! Logan is coming over tomorrow morning and having breakfast with me and Camille before his flight. Why don't you come join us? It'll be fun with the five of us together!"

"Five? Who else is – Oh, James."

"Yes, but so what? We'll be here if you want to join us. I really wish you would. 6 AM-ish." She smiled at him.

He gave her a weary smile and blew her a kiss. He entered the waiting elevator and left the building.

_Later then, Logan. Later!_


	12. Chapter XII

**The Sound of Thunder**

Kendall could not go home. He'd planned on being with Logan for the rest of the night but that wasn't going to happen. James had beaten him to it. _Dammit, James! Why the sudden interest in my Logie?_

He hopped on his bike and rode, not sure where he was going. He just wanted to feel himself in motion and in control of his own destiny. Being on a motorcycle helped clear his head and made him feel free. Hockey had done that in the past – a past almost forgotten.

After riding for a while, he found himself approaching the beach. Since it was extremely late, 3:45 AM, there was no one in sight. He pulled up and parked his bike on the sand, illegal though it was. At the moment, he didn't care about that. He had to figure out what he was going to do about his ex, the friend trying to take his ex from him, and how all of this would affect or fit into his career – into his life.

After taking off his helmet, he sat on his bike and looked out at the blackness of the ocean. It was hard to see where the ocean ended and the horizon began. It's at these rare moments that Kendall marveled at the majesty and beauty of creation. Nature, however, was not the only thing that made him ponder beauty and magnificence.

"Logan!" he whispered into the breeze. A few years ago, he'd had his own personal wonder in the palm of his hand but he'd let him go. Stupidly, he'd chosen himself over the life that Logan wanted for them. Looking back, he knew he could've handled things differently, maybe even better. _Hindsight is 20/20, Dumb Ass!_

He hopped off his bike and made his way onto the beach. He could hear the surf and felt the wind pick up once he was on the open sand. The breeze felt good on his leather-clad body. He felt like a Ninja, his black attire blending quietly and seamlessly into the darkness of the night. He sat down in the sand and continued to look outward. He could make out the stars as his eyes adjusted to the blackness. He sighed and lay down looking upward at the bright points of light. The last time he remembered gazing at the stars, he'd been with Logan – his own personal star.

Logan had pointed out the constellations, the important stars, and a couple of planets that shone brightly under the fall Minnesota sky. They'd cuddled against each other, feeling the other's warmth, and talked all night. He remembered the look on Logan's face as he explained everything from space, to the human body, to his political philosophy. Kendall hadn't understood some of the things Logan had said, but he didn't care. He loved the sound of Logan's voice and the face of wonder he made when explaining things to him. It soothed him and made him feel like he could do anything, much like the current sound of the surf - strong and empowering.

The memory of that crisp autumn night made him misty eyed. His body ached to feel Logan's warmth next to him again. He sat up and pulled his knees to himself. He took off his leather jacket and was instantly relieved from the heat he'd felt under his performance wardrobe. Gazing steadily into the horizon, the breeze tousled his shoulder length blond hair.

His mind took him back to a more innocent and idealistic time when he and Logan thought that they could take on the world and come up on top. Unfortunately, it hadn't quite worked out that way. Idealism gave way to pragmatism and then to selfishness and personal ambition. They'd clouded his worldview and corrupted his feelings for his husband.

Kendall groaned quietly to himself thinking of the mistakes he'd made with Logan. He reached for his jacket, remembering the vial that he'd put in the pocket. He opened the silver item and took a quick snort of the white powder inside. The effect was not one of calm but of nervousness and apprehension.

Looking up at the sky, he said, "What am I going to do about you, Logie? What can I possibly do?" His jaw involuntarily clenched and unclenched as the cocaine coursed through his body. Kendall felt simultaneously restless and frozen into inaction as he thought about his life with Logan and his life after Logan. There were pros and cons to both.

On the one hand, he couldn't live without the adoration of a crowd at his feet. The feeling of ecstasy and excitement that applause produced within him was like a bolt of lightning hitting his body. The energy it released in him was like nothing he'd ever experienced before. Sure, he'd come close with Big Time Rush, but that was a shared experience. Heff Road was different. The band was his baby and he was the father – the glory or failure was all his. He wasn't sure that he could give it up for anything. Additionally, there was the creative process of making music. He loved crafting totally new works of art made up of his musical notes, his rhythms, and his voice. He was absolutely lost when he was in his creative process and he wouldn't have it any other way. It was addicting.

_Speaking of addicting!_ He chuckled at himself as he lifted the vial to his nose again. He sniffed forcefully trying to retain the white substance in his nostrils. He closed the vial and rolled it around in his fingers, still thinking.

On the other hand, the time that he'd spent married to Logan was a once in a lifetime experience. There were no words to describe what it felt like to know that there was someone who would share his life with him forever, no matter what. The love that they'd shared was special, unique. After all that it took to finally be with each other, their lives together had been the sweetest part of his young life. Until, that is, it had fallen apart.

He sighed deeply. He remembered flying to New York and giving Logan the divorce papers. What no one saw or knew about was how deeply Kendall had cried that day. It was as if someone had tried to pull his soul out through his heart. That had easily been the darkest day of his life, bar none. The remembered emotion made Kendall wince. He never wanted to feel that hurt, that helpless and lost, ever again. Yes, it'd been his decision, but that didn't mean that he hadn't felt the pain. His friends seemed to have forgotten that he was human, too, and flocked to Logan's side. That was why his friendships with the guys had cooled. In wanting to comfort Logan, they'd forgotten about him and his hurt. Stupidly, his anger pushed him to cut emotional ties with his former band mates. After all, he'd needed to protect himself, too.

But tonight, Logan had been there for him. He still couldn't believe that he'd flown in from New York and showed up at the party. His heart and body had immediately known what his brain did not. They both yearned to be with their other halves again - Logan's heart, Logan's body. Kendall had had a physical reaction to his presence. He had forgotten the sensation and it had overwhelmed him, but in a good way.

The more he thought about his life, the more Kendall missed what he'd had with Logan. After the split, Kendall hadn't exactly been a saint. Fueled by deep pain and a sense of newfound freedom, he'd thrown himself into the world of dating and casual sex and drugs. Once, he secretly had been admitted to the ER because of his careless self-medication. He'd have given anything if Logan had been there with him, holding his hand. He remembered that awful night and shuddered.

The horizon started to take on a deep purple hue as the sun slowly crossed the earth and made its way to Los Angeles and Kendall. He pulled out his cell and looked at the time. _5:30_. Jo's invitation to breakfast was weighing heavily on his mind.

He didn't want to make a mistake again, not with Logan. He was too important to him and he didn't want to break his heart a second time. Kendall wasn't even sure that his ex-husband felt the same way about him anymore. What if he didn't? What if he laughed at him or invoked the effects of karma? After all, what goes around comes around. Was it his turn to feel the agony of being left alone? He swallowed hard, trying to keep his fear inside.

The sky was lighter now, the horizon taking on its familiar shade of blue. The first rays of sunlight hit the beach. The rays on Kendall's face warmed him and lifted his spirit. The dawning day reflected how he felt inside. The first rays of light cut through the gloom and slowly lifted the veil of darkness from the night - and from his eyes. He could see clearly. Just as his eyes adjusted and focused, so did his heart. He wasn't sure if a second time around with Logan would be better than the first, but he wanted to try. He desperately wanted to try and make things right. Somehow, he'd make Logan understand that a second chance was, at least, in the realm of possibility for them.

_God! I still love you, Logie. I really do!_

Smiling to himself while thinking about Logan, he shouted to the vast ocean, "I STILL LOVE YOOOOOU!"

Of course, he knew that there were things about himself that he'd have to change for Logan to take him back. He didn't care. He could start that immediately. Standing up, he looked at the silver vial of cocaine still in his hand. He rolled it around in his fingers, deep in thought. He laughed, and in one powerful motion, threw it into the surf, the vial glinting as it flew through the air. Then, it was gone, splashing into the rolling waves of the Pacific.

After slipping his jacket back on, he ran to his motorcycle and put on his helmet, a sexy Jedi Knight on his midnight black vehicle. He roared the bike to life and was gone, speeding down the coast. He had to get to Jo's. He had to see Logan before he left and try to talk to him about their future. Hopefully, their future _together_.

He arrived and handed his helmet to the building's doorman like he'd done a hundred times before. He ran up the stairs not wanting to wait for the elevator, his heart beating rapidly, his breathing hard. Kendall wasn't sure if these were the effects of the coke or because he was about to be face to face with Logan. In the end, it didn't matter. He was on a mission and would not be deterred. He ran to Jo's door and stopped abruptly. Taking a few deep breaths as he ran his fingers through his wild hair, he tried to compose himself. He closed his eyes and grabbed the doorframe as he tried to emotionally steady himself. After a few moments, he was ready.

Kendall, sensing the promise of a new beginning, lifted his leather-gloved hand and knocked on the door.


	13. Chapter XIII

**The Sound of Thunder**

The door opened. Jo's smile widened as she saw who was standing in her hallway. She motioned for Kendall to enter as she gave him a hug, feeling giddy. She separated from him and looked him up and down. Her eyes narrowed before she whispered to him.

"Are those the same clothes from last night?" she asked.

Kendall smiled sheepishly as he nodded his head. He grabbed a handful of his pre-torn stage shirt and sniffed it. He grimaced as he and Jo laughed.

"Yeah, a little bit! I couldn't go home so I went and did some thinking on the beach. I guess I wasn't thinking about the attire! So, is he here?" Kendall looked around the living room but didn't see anyone.

"Yeah, he is. Come on in. We're all in the kitchen." She closed the door and gave him another, tighter hug.

Surprised, Kendall asked, "What was _that_ for? Not that I'm complaining, of course."

"Good luck!" she whispered in his ear.

"Shut up," he whispered back to her.

She hit his arm and led him to the kitchen. They could hear Logan, James, and Camille talking and, at times, laughing. They entered the breakfast area in the kitchen. As soon as they'd walked in, Camille let out a loud squeal.

The boys, who were eating at the table, stopped chewing, startled at the outburst. They both followed her gaze and saw Kendall standing in the entranceway. Both saw as Camille jumped out of her seat and threw her arms around him. They hugged for a minute and then she led him to the table.

Logan was taken aback at the surprise guest. No one had mentioned that Kendall would be joining them for breakfast. He could feel himself sit up a little straighter and smile a little broader.

Camille, who'd been sitting beside Logan, offered Kendall her seat. He took it and sat down next to his ex, smiling crookedly at him, raising an eyebrow as he eyed him.

Logan was happy, he really was, but he felt a bit uptight when he realized he was sitting between Kendall and James. To his left sat the love of his young life. To his right, the promise of a new life and a new future.

James stood up and shook Kendall's hand. He didn't see why they could not be pleasant with each other. He wasn't doing anything wrong, after all.

Finally, Kendall turned and spoke to Logan. "Good morning, Doc. You look great!"

Logan couldn't help but grin at him. "Thanks. You look terrific, too. By the way, that was some party you threw last night. Pretty impressive, I must say!"

"I'm just glad that you made it. That made the evening a little better." Turning to James, he said, "You, too, James. I was so glad that you all made it. It means a lot to me."

"Like we would've missed it? We flew across the country to be here. I wouldn't have done it if I really didn't want to be here. But now, I have to insist that next time you're in New York, you have to come and see my play. Or do I have to slap you like I used to at the Palmwoods?" Camille moved in with a raised hand.

"OK! I promise. Next time I'm in New York, I'll do that. Now move away slowly, and no one gets hurt!"

She laughed at him then went to help Jo, who was still preparing breakfast.

The boys all chuckled at the exchange. After falling silent again, Kendall looked at Logan, letting his stare linger.

His eyes betrayed what he felt. He was genuinely pleased and happy that he had the opportunity to sit beside his ex-husband. He'd missed that terribly.

"Hey, Jo?" He turned and addressed their hostess.

"What do you need, Kendall? What can I get you?"

"Nothing right now, but do you think I can borrow Logan for a second?"

Logan was surprised at his request. His brows furrowed, just a bit, but he still had a smile on his face. He couldn't help it.

"Sure. You know where my office is. Take him there."

Turning to Logan, he said, "C'mon, Logie. Let's go upstairs for a sec. I wanna talk to you about something." The spark in Kendall's eyes was irresistible.

"Ok." Logan allowed himself to be led upstairs by the hand, enjoying Kendall's soft hand and gentle touch.

Kendall closed the door after them. He pulled the desk chair out to the middle of the room and motioned for Logan to sit while he remained standing. He paced and fidgeted unsure how to begin. A thousand years seemed to have passed and he still couldn't say what he needed to. He quit his pacing and stopped in front of his seated ex, looking down at him.

"Logie," he began. "Lo, do you ever think about the past much? I mean, our past together."

"Yeah, sometimes, I guess. What's this about Kendall? What're you getting at?"

"Well, sometimes, as we grow and learn from life, we make mistakes. Some are little ones, but sometimes – sometimes they can be colossal ones. Mistakes so big that a simple 'I'm sorry' isn't enough. Mistakes so huge that there's a chance that you could never make things right again." Kendall's expression was a sad one, his eyes filled with regret and remorse.

Instinctively, Logan reached out and took Kendall's hand. He didn't like the tone of sadness and grief that colored his ex's words. He knew that he was trying to tell him something painful, but was unsure of what that _something_ was. In spite of the pain Kendall had caused him in the past, he still didn't want him to hurt or suffer from anything – ever, especially if he had the capacity to help alleviate his hurt. He smiled reassuringly at him, letting Kendall know that it was okay to go on.

_He still knows me! _The thought bolstered Kendall's resolve as he continued. "Logan, when we got married, we were both so young. It was a time of discovery for both of us, and for a time, we were happy – so very happy. Remember that, Baby?"

"Yeah, like it was yesterday." He gave Kendall a crooked, wistful smile.

"I need you to do me a favor. For just a little while, try to remember how we felt about each other, how incredibly happy we were to be together. Try to capture that feeling and sense of togetherness that we used to have!"

Kendall released Logan's hand and ran his fingers through his hair, stroking his ex's head, remembering the intimate times they'd shared. His misty eyes betrayed his emotional state of mind.

"Kendall, I don't understand. What are you trying to – "

"I want it back!" he blurted. "I want it all back. I want to be with you again. I want to re-capture what we once had together and I want to make it work."

Logan felt the shockwave from the tip of his toes to the top of his head. At the same time, the soft touch on his hair was sending a pleasant tingling sensation through him. It was hard for him to concentrate. However, he'd also missed Kendall terribly, but wasn't sure that a reconciliation was in the cards for them. They'd been through a lot both together and apart. He wasn't sure that he could give up his life and work in New York, even for Kendall. _But if there's one person I __**might**__ give it up for…!_

"Kendall, when did you – I mean, how did you decide this? You've never mentioned it to me before. I'm kind of caught by surprise!"

Kendall stopped running his fingers through Logan's hair and sat down on the floor in front of him. He liked looking up at Logan at this angle. It reminded him of the nights in their bed when he'd fall asleep with Logan looking down at him. Those nights made him feel safe and happy. Nothing could compare with Logan waking up next to him every morning. He missed his ex's sleepy, heavy-lidded "bedroom eyes" after he first woke up to be followed by his lazy, contented grin. It was the little things that Kendall missed the most. His heart was full when he thought about them.

"Logie, I miss you. I can't stand the thought of being without you. Or the thought of you being with someone else!" He averted his eyes from his ex as he said this.

"So, _that's _it! You saw me and James leave together last night, didn't you? Kendall, is this a case of 'If I can't have him no one can' or something like that? I don't appreciate the manipulation or the fact that you think I can't make a decision by myself. That's not love, Kendall. Not at all!" A rare flash of anger colored Logan's voice.

"No! No, I swear it's not! I mean, when I saw you and James together, it made me fully realize what I'd lost, is all. I'd been thinking about you for a while now. Ask Jo if you don't believe me. She knows what's in my heart when it comes to you. Don't be angry, please." He laid his head on Logan's lap, praying that he wouldn't push him off.

"Kendall…" Logan whined quietly at him. _You're such an ass! _His anger faded a bit. He couldn't help but lose his fingers in Kendall's long, soft, blonde locks. He brushed the stray hair from Kendall's face and sighed, looking down at his ex's perfect profile.

Logan's fingers in his hair made him feel nostalgic. Kendall remembered many evenings in their house together where a quiet evening alone was all they'd ever needed. That was one of the little things that he so deeply missed. He missed them because they were part of him and Logan – two halves that fit perfectly together. He lifted his head and looked at Logan.

"Kendall, I don't know what to think. It's been years since we lived together. I mean, how do you even know if we're still compatible? We've both changed since our days in Big Time Rush. We're both following different paths now. We still live on opposite coasts and we both will not compromise when it comes to our careers. I don't see what you could possibly say that – "

"I'll move to New York!" Kendall let the words sink into Logan's consciousness, seeing the surprised reaction on his face.

"What? Are you serious?" Logan sat up straight, unsure that he'd heard his ex's words correctly.

Kendall's grin was wide and amused. He liked it when the good doctor was left speechless. Seeing him struggle to compose a reply was one of the most endearing things he'd ever seen. Still another little thing he missed.

Kendall chuckled quietly. "Yes, Baby, I mean it. I'm so totally serious!"

Logan wanted there to be no doubt. "_Serious_, serious?"

Kendall rolled his eyes good-naturedly while still wearing his grin. "Yes, Logie, seriously serious with a serious cherry on top of a serious ice cream sundae!"

"But, Kendall, what's changed? I mean, why haven't you ever mentioned this to me? The reason you wanted us to split was because of _your_ image, _your_ career, _your_ ambition. Kendall, I gave you what you wanted – your freedom."

Kendall felt a jab in his heart as Logan spoke the truth to him. Memories were a funny thing. At the time, he'd convinced himself that he was walking away from the love of his life for the both of them. He knew the pain he'd caused Logan and wished he could take it all back. Logan's accusatory tone told him that he still felt the hurt and that the blame was squarely on his shoulders. Still, they'd been very young and felt that they had their whole lives ahead of them to build the future. But, their visions for the future had been vastly different. The life of a doctor and a rock star wouldn't be a compatible mix in any world, especially living apart from each other. Now, though, he had the power to change that.

"Logie, I am so grateful to you for that. At the time, I needed the freedom to spread my wings and see where they took me. No matter what I've done, though, has changed the fact that life has brought me here to this spot, at this specific time, to this place. Here I am standing in front of you after making the biggest mistake of my life. I'm asking you to remember how it was and to show you how it can be again. I still love you, Logan Mitchell. Seeing you tonight gave me the extra push, that little extra courage to say something to you. I - I need you back."

"Kendall. Crazy, crazy Kendall. I thought you wanted to stay in L.A. because it is the heart of the music industry. I thought you wanted to be in the middle of the action, to have the pulse of the music world. How is it possible that you can move to New York now?"

"Because, Doc, I have clout, a hot career, and I can call the shots now. New York has _awesome_ recording studio facilities. Even if I use an L.A. studio, I could always just fly in, record my vocals, and fly right out again. My contract this time around stipulates that _I_ choose where I live and _I_ choose where I record. Fitz is an ass, but he's good at what he does! He got me the contract that gave me my freedom both artistically and personally. And, right now, all I want to be is tied down to a handsome, successful, well-respected, sexy doctor. I'd like you to consider giving us another chance."

Kendall stood and pulled Logan out of his chair. He hung his arms lazily on either of his ex's shoulders while he enjoyed the close view of Logan's radiant face and deep chocolate eyes. He could stare at this face forever. He moved in closer to his ex, his heavy breathing betraying his intention. He needed those sweet, pink lips on his own. He wanted to taste them again, to feel their warmth and wetness.

Logan looked up at Kendall with questioning, probing eyes. He knew what Kendall wanted and licked his own lips in anticipation. Out of the blue, one thought flashed in his mind: _Kiss me, Kendall! Kiss me now!_

Their lips almost brushed against each other when there was a knock on the door. Both were startled by the sudden noise and stood up straight as they separated from each other. A second knock followed.

"Logan?" James' voice came through the closed door. "Can I talk to you?"


	14. Chapter XIV

**The Sound of Thunder**

Kendall's face betrayed his annoyance. He walked to the office door and opened it abruptly, letting James know that he had interrupted something important.

"Logan, it's almost time for your flight and I have some things I want to say to you. May I please speak with you now?" James' eyes were pleading yet questioning. He wanted to know what Kendall had said to him.

"Look, James, we're kind of in the middle of something right now, so if you don't mind – "

Logan walked to Kendall and placed his hand on his ex's arm. Kendall stopped talking which was the effect Logan was looking for. "That's okay, Kendall. I'd like to say good bye to James alone."

"But, Logie, we were in the middle of – "

" - of something that can wait a little while. It's okay, Kendall. We'll have time to talk again later. I promise." Logan smiled at his ex, a sweetly haunting smile that was burned into Kendall's mind and soul. He felt an unexplained chill run up and down his spine but mentally shook it off for Logan's sake.

Kendall now looked at James as a rival. He didn't want to go up against one of his best friends, but… _All's fair in love and war! _He knew what that meant now. He was living it. He reluctantly left them alone, closing the door behind him. He walked down to the end of the upstairs hallway and looked out the window. The early morning sun that had bathed the world with its bright light was gone. He looked at the sky and noticed that the clouds had turned dark and thick, the wind moving them rapidly across the sky. He stood and stared, wondering what was taking place in the room he'd just left.

"Alone at last," Logan said, trying to lighten the mood. He could tell that James was concerned about the conversation that he'd just interrupted. He moved to him and took James' hand as he led him to the sofa against the wall. They sat, waiting for each other to break the uncomfortable silence that permeated the room.

"James, I had a really great time with you. I hate the fact that my visit to Cali was only an overnight thing. I'd love to see you more often."

"Logan," James said. He acted like he hadn't heard Logan speak. "What did Kendall want? You can tell me."

Logan looked uncomfortably at his pal. He didn't want to lie to him but he didn't want to hurt him either. He knew he'd have to walk a fine line. He wasn't ready to deal with what Kendall had told him much less tell anyone about the details of their conversation. He was at a loss for words.

"James, I – I mean, I just have to – to think about some things, is all. Nothing earth shattering took place, really."

James eyed Logan with skepticism. "Well then, do you mind if I tell you what _I_ think Kendall said?"

Logan shook his head and swallowed hard, unsure where the nervousness and dread were coming from. Whatever happened, he didn't want to lose James. He didn't want to be the one that broke his heart or the one who ruined their wonderful friendship. He'd been on the flip side of that coin and he didn't want to inflict that kind of pain on anyone.

James took Logan's silence as a queue to continue. "I think K wants you back, Logan. Ever since he saw you at the party, he's been acting possessive towards you, making every effort to be close to you, any excuse to be near you. I have a feeling that he asked you to forgive him and that you guys deserve another chance together. Am I close to the mark, Logie?" James looked into Logan's eyes, trying to find a clue from his gaze.

"James, I – "

"No. Please let me finish. I've waited for so long to say this to you. I know you loved Kendall. I get that, but time marches on. We live our lives and move forward to the next chapter. Logan, _I_ want to be your next chapter and I want _you_ to be mine."

_James, why did you wait so long? I don't know what to think! Kendall wants another chance and you want to make a new future. What am I supposed to do? How the hell am I supposed to choose?_

Seeing Logan's conflict splashed all over his face, James reached out and took Logan's hand in his, squeezing it gently as if to reassure his buddy. He knew that this was going to be hard on him but he needed to know if there was a chance – a _real_ chance – that they could be together.

"Logie, I know that this is a lot to take in. I know I'm hitting you with a lot not to mention that Kendall must have, too. But, I need to know, from your own lips, that we have a chance. I need to know that you're taking what I'm saying to you seriously. If not, just tell me that you're not interested in pursuing anything with me and I'll be out of your hair."

"James! I don't ever want to lose you." Logan's moist eyes betrayed the hurt that he felt knowing that his friend could so easily walk away from him. "We've shared so much growing up like we did. We've traveled the world together and seen such great and wonderful sights. The memories I have of you are forever with me – and always will be. I don't want you out of my hair, Buddy. I always want you in my hair!"

James grinned slightly and reached out to stroke Logan's hair. It was as soft and silky as he remembered. After all, he'd helped all the boys with their hair issues when they were in Big Time Rush, before all their success.

"And I _want_ to be in your hair," he grinned. He continued, his face turning serious once again. "I just need a sign. Give me something to hope for. I just need to know that you're taking me seriously. I need to know that you'll take the possibility of our being together seriously."

Logan's heart was touched by the earnestness of James' words. He could see and hear that the sentiment behind them was very real to him. The fact that he'd resurrected emotions and feelings from his past and had told Logan the truth behind them gave Logan pause. As if in fast-speed, thoughts of James and himself ran through Logan's mind. Several imagined possible futures quickly flitted through his mind's eye making Logan realize that he'd have to take him seriously now that he actually had contemplated, no matter how briefly, a future with his best friend.

"I've missed you so much since I left for New York. I'm just still amazed that as many times as we've seen each other since I left, you never brought this up! But, I guess that doesn't matter because you're telling me now. And I hear you, James. Of course I take this seriously. You are one of the most important people in my life. What matters to you, matters to me. _You_ matter to me. You always have and, I'm betting, you always will!"

Speaking slowly, James asked, "Then you'll really, _really_ think about us being more than friends?" He was trying not to seem overly enthusiastic, but on the inside, his heart began to swell with hope.

"Yes, James. I will seriously and thoughtfully think about what you've said to me today. Of that, I promise you."

James smile lit up the room as he stood and pulled Logan to his feet with him. He put his arms around his shorter friend and enveloped him in his famous bear hug. After he relaxed his grip, he saw Logan looking up at him, the smile on his face giving James' heart a jolt. He leaned over and gave Logan a kiss on the forehead, feeling Logan's smile as he did so.

They stood together in each other's arms, Logan's head resting on James' chest, as they slowly started to gently sway to a silent, slow, romantic melody emanating from their hearts.

In an instant, the spell was broken by Jo's voice on the other side of the door. "Logan?" She knocked quietly and opened the door to her office. Though she wasn't shocked by what she saw, she was taken a little by surprise as she saw the boys holding each other, not making a move to hide the arms that were still around each other.

They both smiled at her and lazily withdrew from their intimate embrace. "I'm sorry, Jo. I guess I've monopolized the guest of honor long enough! We'll be right down."

"Yeah, I know. Logan's limo driver just called from downstairs. He wants to know if you're ready to go. Since it's raining, you'll need a little more time because of the slow traffic."

Logan's eyes snapped wide open as he looked at his watch. "Oh, doodies!" he exclaimed. "I completely lost track of the time!"

Simultaneously, both of Logan's friends looked at him incredulously and asked, "Doodies?" They chuckled at their friend as a slight blush colored Logan's cheeks.

"Oh, hush up!" he told them before laughing at himself as well. He moved to Jo and wrapped his arm around her and the other around James. If nothing else, he'd remember this moment with two of the most important people he'd ever known.

Logan allowed Jo to take him by the hand as she led him downstairs, James following close behind. She leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Logie, Kendall wants to say good bye to you, too. Remember him?" She squeezed his hand for emphasis. A peal of thunder caught him by surprise and it made him squeeze Jo's hand harder.

Halfway down the stairs, Logan caught sight of a waiting Kendall as he tried to hide the fact that he'd been intently looking at the stairs, patiently waiting for Logan to descend. They saw each other and Kendall's eyebrow rose as he beheld his former husband, a smile creeping from the corners of his dark stained lips.

Logan began to smile at him but then realized that this was going to be another goodbye that he wasn't sure he could handle. He needed time to think away from his friends. Suddenly, New York didn't seem like a big, lonely place, but rather _his_ place of solitude and contemplation. And, Dr. Mitchell-Knight knew, he had a lot to think about.


	15. Chapter XV

**The Sound of Thunder**

The weather outside reflected Logan's state of mind. The black overcast sky had given way to a light rain, which had given way to chaotic winds and loud rumbling thunder. The sky's heavy rain on the windows streaked across the pane as if shedding its tears on the world. He could feel the vibrations under his feet as another peal of thunder and a bright flash of lightning struck overhead. The lights in the condo blinked.

"Whoa!" James exclaimed, glancing out the window. "That was loud!"

The others laughed as the trio made it into the living room. The outside world was not the only place filled with electricity. There were charged vibes in the condo as well. They could all feel it.

Kendall took his place in front of Logan. "Hi again," he grinned.

"Hi there," Logan whispered back. He wanted to say so much more to his ex husband but time was short. The limo driver was still waiting for him outside to take him to the airport.

"Logan, do you think it's a good idea to fly today? It's coming down pretty hard out there." The concern on Camille's face was real.

"Oh, you know what they say about flying being the safest way to travel? It's true, you know. Don't worry about it!" He smiled reassuringly at his best girl. Turning to Jo, he said, "Now comes the hard part."

"Aw, Logie! Are you sure that you can't stay at least one more day? The couch in my office is a pullout. You don't even need a hotel room. You could stay here with me!"

"As much as I'd really love to, I can't. I have urgent stuff to tend to at the hospital. Thanks, though. It means a lot to me that you offered." He leaned in and took her in his arms, hugging her tightly. "Thanks for everything. You're the best."

He turned next to Camille. "I guess I'll see you in a couple of days then?"

"Yeah. I wanna do some shopping and talk to Jo's contacts at James' show. I haven't decided yet, but I want to explore all my options if I decide to move back and work here. Still, you know I miss you when we don't see each other at least a few times a week! Looogaaaan! Waaaaa…!" Her overacting was a colossal mess as she mocked cried to Logan. She flung herself into his arms as she pretended to be overcome with emotion.

They all stopped and looked at her. After a beat, they all applauded her, James whistling with his clapping. They giggled at her when she curtsied after her "bad" performance. Camille gave Logan a peck on the cheek. "Call me when you get in, okay?"

"Will do."

Kendall took a step back as James stepped into Logan's line of sight. He smiled at his friend as he led him away from Kendall and closer to the front door. James wanted to have a little private moment together as they said their good byes.

Kendall didn't want to see what was happening just a few yards away from him. He saw how James led Logan to the door. He also saw how Logan responded to him. A pang of fear coursed through him as he realized that maybe he was too late to do anything about the budding feelings that Logan was showing toward James. He purposely sat and looked out the window as he heard them whispering to each other behind him, not quite making out their words.

"So," James sighed. "I guess this is it!"

"I know, Bro. I wish we had more time, but there'll be other visits, I promise."

"And, remember, you promised that we would – "

" – video chat as soon as I got in. I know. I haven't forgotten. I wouldn't forget something as important as that."

They moved in closer to each other, their faces almost touching. The look in their eyes indicated that they had unfinished business with each other.

"Logie, I – I love…"

Logan put a finger over James' mouth stopping his friend from saying anything else. "Shhh. We'll talk. I promise." He moved in to get James' bear hug and was not disappointed when he felt his muscular arms envelope him.

As an after thought, James leaned in and gave Logan a sweet little kiss, loving the way Logan's lips felt against his. _I could get used to this very easily._

There was a knock on the door as the boys separated themselves from each other. Jo crossed the room and opened the door. Logan's driver was standing in the hallway.

"Hi. Is there any luggage that needs to be taken to the car? I can do that for you."

Logan stepped forward and pointed to the only suitcase he'd brought with him. "You may take that bag, if you don't mind. Thanks!" He smiled at the driver as the man picked up his bag.

"The rain has turned into a drizzle so we may have a couple of extra minutes before we have to leave. Whenever you're ready, Sir. I'll be in the car." He tipped his cap to the ladies and was gone, leaving the door ajar.

Kendall stood and it was James' turn to give way to him. His tension level immediately rose as he saw Kendall leading Logan to the door. But, instead of stopping in front of it, Kendall led his ex out into the hallway, leaving the door still slightly open.

Kendall hadn't seen James and Logan's kiss as much as he'd heard it. What he'd heard, however, did not sit well with him at all. As far as he was concerned, James had fired the first shot and it was his turn to make a volley of his own. He took both of Logan's hands in his as he smiled crookedly at him, his green eyes sparkling in the muted light. He looked down at his boots, which made his long blond locks almost cover his eyes.

"I can't believe you _really_ came to see me." He looked up to see Logan's reaction.

"I – I wouldn't want to let you down, Kendall. Besides, it was important to me to see you for myself. I'd heard some not-so-nice gossip about you and I wanted to check to see if you were okay."

"I am now, Logie. I got to spend a little time with you!" He brought Logan's hands to his mouth and gently kissed his fingers. He noticed James' glance as he let go of Logan.

"Kendall, I don't know…"

"But you do, Lo. Actually, even if _you_ don't, your heart does. Listen to it. That's all I ask. We'll talk soon?"

Logan nodded his head, his heart heavy as he remembered the pain of the other time they'd parted. He moved his hand and swept Kendall's soft blonde hair from his eyes. _God, those eyes!_

Kendall made sure that James was watching them through the crack in the door. Then, without warning, he gathered Logan into his arms and planted a kiss on his ex. It wasn't the sweet, demure kind that James had given him. No. This kiss said that the love he still felt for his ex-husband was real and deep and permanent.

At first, Logan was surprised at Kendall's actions. His body, however, felt the familiar joining and would not be denied. He lifted his arms to Kendall and allowed them to wrap themselves around his neck as his mouth accepted Kendall's probing tongue into him. Logan felt himself trying to catch his breath as a soft, hushed moan escaped him.

They stopped kissing but still held each other close, their foreheads resting against each other as they looked into the other's eyes. They both smiled at each other, a smile only two people who had been intimate together would recognize. Kendall gave Logan's forehead a quick kiss as he let him go.

"I have to go, K. I'll be **Flying High** and in New York in no time!"

"I know, Baby. I wish you didn't have to go, though."

"We'll talk soon, I promise. Promise me we can do that, Kendall."

"We can and we will! I'll wait for you forever, if I have to. You can count on that. I - I love you so much." Kendall's heart was bursting as his old feelings for Logan came rushing to the fore. Anything else didn't matter. He had an ex-husband that he wanted to turn, someday, into a current husband - again.

Logan reached out and placed his palm over Kendall's heart, feeling the strong, heavy beat. He smiled, reluctant to let the contact end. He slowly let his hand drop as he made his way to the waiting elevator. He looked back and saw Kendall's figure looking back at him, a melancholy grin adorning his face. The elevator's doors closed and Logan, along his dazzling smile, was gone.

Wiping a stray budding tear from his eye and letting out a heavy, pained sigh, Kendall re-entered Jo's apartment. He was grateful that no one had seen his display of emotion. He didn't want to talk to anyone about it just yet. He stepped inside and closed the door.

The girls were sitting together on the couch as they looked intently from one guy to the other wondering what would happen next. Camille was clueless as to what was going on between James and Logan. Jo sort of suspected but, until now, had been unsure of James' intentions. This was going to complicate things for Kendall and Logan.

Kendall walked to Jo and rested his head on her shoulder and sighed.

Jo, knowing Kendall so well, eyed him suspiciously and asked, "What do you want, Kendall?"

He looked at her sheepishly and said, "I never got any eggs and stuff. Could I have some please? Suddenly I'm very hungry!"

She rolled her eyes at him and grunted. "Fine! I spoil you too much, I swear! C'mon, Camille. We have a new customer!"

Pointing from one boy to the other, her eyes narrowed, she said, "Wait! I'm still trying to figure out what's going on between you two and Logan and – "

"Camille!" Jo interrupted. "Just come and help me, will ya'?" She pulled her friend by the hand making her follow.

James and Kendall sat slowly on the opposite sides of the couch as they were left alone with each other for the first time in a few years. The silence that filled the room was palpable. They both pretended to be interested in other things: James a magazine, Kendall his cell phone. At different times, both tried to get a look at the other peripherally. Besides breakfast being prepared, the only other sound they heard was the soft pitter-patter of the outside drizzle turning into a mild shower.

Not being able to bear the silence any longer, Kendall finally faced James and addressed him coolly. "Soooooo, James. Isn't it great that Logan came to L.A. for _me_, huh? I guess he just can't stay away when I really need him. He's special like that."

"Kendall, I wouldn't take Logan for granted anymore. Sometimes, things aren't always as they seem. For example, he may have come to see you, but he may have discovered something else that will be important to him in the future. Maybe that's why he came to L.A. He was meant to find something – or someone."

Kendall looked thoughtfully at his friend, seeing his face but not noticing it. "You're right. He may have found someone again. We have a history together that no one – _no one_ – can understand or come between. Whatever's happened in the past, that powerful bond will always exist between the two of us."

"Maybe. But, you can't go back. Sometimes life has big changes in store for all of us. I'm just trying to explore all my options right now. And as much as it pains me to say this to you, Logan is definitely a strong option for me. So, let me take this opportunity to let you know that I intend to make Logan a priority of mine."

Kendall stood up and glared down at James. "What do you mean Logan's a 'strong option'? A 'priority'? I wouldn't get any ideas about him, James. Logan and I are not done. I'm sure of it."

James stood and faced Kendall. "I wouldn't be so sure about that, _Old Pal_. I think he may see things differently now. He's a big boy and is free to do whatever he likes. He's a doctor, for God's sake! He can make life and death decisions. He can decide what the rest of his life will look like!"

Both men were tense: muscles flexing, gritted teeth, their fists at the ready. They stared at each other with unflinching eyes, their old hockey game faces on display.

"Ok, Kendall. Come and get your – Whoa, Dudes! What's going on here?" Jo could feel the tension in the room. The testosterone raging between the boys was unmistakable. They were each ready to come to blows if they had to.

"Kendall!" Jo yelled.

Kendall slowly looked at her and his hard face turned into a forced grin. "Nothing, Jo. Nothing's going on here. Right, _James_?"

"Right," James uttered. His body relaxed. "Nothing at all."

Pointing from one guy to the other, her eyes narrowed with suspicion, Jo said nothing as she slowly left the room.

"This isn't over," James whispered to his rival.

"Damn right it's not!" Kendall responded.

Kendall left James as he walked to the kitchen and sat down. He looked at the girls and smiled. "This looks great! Thanks for this." He took a big bite of his eggs and felt the tension finally escape his body. He chewed with a grin on his face, enjoying the company of his girls.

After a few moments, James finally made his way to the kitchen table where they'd all gathered. He slowly sat down and looked at Jo. "Hey. Do you have any of that coffee left?"

Camille got up. "I'll get it. Stay where you are, Jo."

After she returned and took her place at the table, they all felt the familiar feeling of togetherness that bonded them. The Palmwoods period would be something that none of them would – or could – forget. Some of the happiest and brightest days of their young lives had been spent with each other. And, at times, when everything seemed bleak and out of reach, they'd all leaned on each other for moral support or a kind word. That had been their dynamic and they all missed it on some varying level.

"- and Carlos' face was plastered on the beach, his ass to the sky!" James concluded, trying to contain his laughter.

In spite of their growing rivalry, Kendall burst into laughter, along with the girls, at the memory of one of the first times the boys had all gone to the beach together after first arriving in California. They'd felt like such provincial bumpkins. Who knew that they'd become iconic California symbols for fans worldwide? Sometimes, it didn't seem real.

Camille looked up at the clock. "Oh crap! Do you know we've been gabbing for over two hours now? Jo! We need to start our day of shopping before it gets too much later."

"Yeah, you're right. Let me just switch on the TV for the traffic and weather info." She lifted the remote and pointed it towards her television set. It came to life and she changed the channel to a local news affiliate.

Kendall stood and addressed Camille. "I guess I'll get out of your hair so you can go do your girlie stuff!"

Camille stood and gave Kendall a hug. "I hope that it's not going to take an act of Congress for you to come visit me and Logan in New York. It's your turn to travel to us now!" She kissed his cheek.

"Believe me, I might be there sooner than you think." He winked at her.

She moved on to James. "Come here, Honey." She embraced the tall, handsome guy she'd come to think of as her big brother. After the bonding they'd done because of their acting, they'd remained close and supportive both personally and professionally. "I miss you."

"Me, too. Next time I'm New York…"

"You'd better!" she exclaimed, smiling at him.

Though still leery of each other, both boys made their way to the front door, saying their good byes to Jo in the doorway. They all turned as Camille let out a loud gasp. She picked up the TV remote and raised the volume.

Jo made her way back inside and looked at her friend. Camille said nothing as she pointed to the screen. Both boys came back into the living room, curious as to what Camille was doing. That's when they heard it.

"_Investigative Teams from the NTSB and the TSA have been dispatched and are arriving on the scene at LAX. There are no survivors expected_."

Jo and Camille immediately burst into tears, knowing what had just happened. Logan had given them his itinerary before he'd left. The girls knew his flight information. It matched the numbers being flashed on the screen before their disbelieving eyes.

Startled by their outburst, James asked, "Oh my God, Girls! What's wrong?" Kendall was also looking at them, concerned but confused.

Jo tried to speak in between sobs. "That's – that's L – Logan's flight! He – he's…" She was absolutely crying now. Camille hugged her tightly as she tried to comfort her best friend and get some comfort in return. Neither could believe what had just happened.

"No. No way!" James exclaimed as he dialed Logan's number. "Maybe he missed the plane or took another flight. There is no way that he – he…" Voicemail. "It's his voicemail," he whispered.

Kendall knew the truth. He could _feel_ it. With a scream caught behind the lump in his throat, his body suddenly trembling, Kendall's wide staring eyes rolled back in his head as he fell where he stood. His mind was overwhelmed and confused. Nothing made sense to him anymore. The blackness would calm him and take his anguish away. He welcomed it. He gave into it.

_But what's with the pounding in my head? _Boom! _I wish it would stop!_ Boom! Boooom!

Darkness.


	16. Epilogue

**The Sound of Thunder**

Boom! BOOOOM!

Kendall woke up startled, his heart racing and brow moist with sweat. The loud sound made the room vibrate. He could hear the heavy rain pounding on the roof. The crackle of lightning followed by the loud peal of thunder made him feel apprehensive, a little scared.

He sat up on his bed and put his palms over his eyes, trying to rub the sleepiness away. He removed his hands from his face and was surprised to see that his palms were wet. A sudden wave of sadness and loneliness swept over him. He shuddered and closed his eyes, not sure where this feeling was coming from, a lone tear making its way down his cheek. He wiped it away and sighed deeply.

After a few moments deep in thought, he felt a small movement next to him. He was a bit surprised at the presence and looked over at the sleeping figure lying next to him. He bent over the sleeping figure so he could see the person's face. He stared at him, not wanting to turn away.

As if on queue, the sleeper stirred. Letting out a soft moan, he stretched and yawned, waking himself. He turned and saw Kendall looking at him, a mixture of confusion and shock on the blonde's face. With a groggy half-smile, he softly uttered, "Hey, Baby."

Kendall was speechless as he looked at the boy like he had seen a ghost. His mind was trying to make sense of what was going on. Slowly, the cloud of sleep lifted from him. He was still staring silently at his partner.

Noticing that Kendall was still wordlessly staring at him, a look of concern came over the boy's face. He sat up and brought his hand up to Kendall's face, caressing his cheek. "Are you okay, Baby? What's wrong? Tell me."

BOOM! The loud thunder startled the boy and he removed his hand from Kendall's cheek, looking out the window as if he could see exactly where the offending sound had come from. The heavy rain poured on the world outside.

In an instant, Kendall gathered his partner into his arms, holding him tightly, never wanting to let him go. He could feel his own heart beat as he basked in the other boy's arms, his warmth spreading throughout Kendall's body.

Trembling a little, he held his lover close and whispered in his ear, the earnest emotion evident in his words. "I love you so much. God, _so_ much! Never leave me, Baby. I don't ever, _ever_ want to be without you. Never. I'd rather die first! Don't ever go, Logie. Don't go!" Kendall kissed his cheek and held on to him as if for dear life.

Logan's furrowed brow reflected his confusion. Still, he held Kendall tightly, sensing the tension he felt in his new husband's body slowly leaving him. He held him for a long while before kissing his temple, and relaxed his hold, wanting to look into Kendall's eyes.

Kendall, seeing the big, brown, sweet eyes that had forever trapped his soul, moved in and captured Logan's mouth with his own. Their lips moved together, slowly and sensually, both enjoying every second of the simple pleasure.

Breathing a little harder, his eyes opening in mild surprise, Logan whispered into Kendall's mouth. "K, sweetie, what brought this on?" He smiled at his blonde husband. "Not that I'm complaining, mind you."

"I – I just don't want anything to happen to you. You have my heart, my Baby. If anything were to ever happen to you, my heart would be lost as well. I just – I just _love_ you."

Interrupting their tender moment, the alarm clock made its presence known. Logan turned it off and returned to his husband's loving gaze. Again, a smiling Kendall leaned towards Logan and gave the tip of his nose a kiss.

"We'd better get ready or Gustavo will kill us if we're late again. He pisses me off sometimes, but I wouldn't want to do Big Time Rush with anyone else."

Logan eyed Kendall with a look that said: _I still don't understand what just happened here!_

Kendall chuckled at his husband's confusion. "Remind me later to tell you about the sick dream I had. It seemed so vivid, so real!" He hopped out of bed and stretched letting Logan take in the view of his naked body. He knew that Logan liked to watch him and was gratified when he saw the look of lust spread over his hot lover's beautiful face.

"Uh-uh, Lo! We don't have time for that. I don't want Gustavo to blow a fuse and stroke out or something. We have to shower and get dressed right now."

Logan looked disappointed as he pouted at his husband, his lower lip jutting out just enough for it to glisten with its moistness.

Kendall knew that he was about to lose the battle. He absolutely adored the look on his Logie's face and could feel his heart flutter. Sometimes it was scary the way that Logan could manipulate him. But he was a more than willing participant and he trusted his man with his very life.

"Well – ," he said as he made his way back to their bed and Logan. "I guess we can save some time if we shower together. What do you think?"

Logan held out his hand so Kendall could help him stand. Kendall pulled him up and took Logan's soft lips in his own.

"C'mon. I need a shower 'cause right now, I feel _dirty_!" In one quick motion, a naked Logan hopped on his surprised husband's back, straddling him piggyback style. "Let's go! What're you waiting for?"

"You're so crazy sometimes, Baby!" Kendall craned his neck and Logan's mouth was automatically on his. They knew each other so well they could anticipate what the other wanted. Kendall loved that about his life partner.

Breaking their kiss, Kendall yelled, "Yeeeeee Hawwwww!" He ran towards the bathroom, a laughing Logan holding him tightly as he was carried on his lover's back.

They reached the bathroom and Logan hopped off Kendall, still giggling at what had happened. They faced each other and Kendall put his arms around Logan just enjoying their touching bodies together. As Logan's head rested on his husband's shoulder, he began to run his hands up and down Kendall's back, feeling the softness and smoothness he loved about his man. Kendall was doing the same thing to Logan, lovingly touching the back that had captivated him for the longest time.

"We really do have to get ready," Kendall said reluctantly, hating that he had to spoil the moment. He looked down at his husband and Logan returned his gaze. Still caressing the shorter boy's back, he brought his hands down to rest on both his ass cheeks. "But as soon as we get back tonight, _this_…" Kendall squeezed Logan's firm, round bottom for emphasis. "...is mine!"

Logan giggled at him, still amazed that Kendall could make him blush. It was going to feel like a long, long day waiting for the evening to come.

"You know, maybe I may want to change things up tonight." Logan slapped Kendall's behind. "Maybe I need some of you, too." He licked Kendall's lips, loving the taste of him.

The thought of Logan taking him made Kendall tingle with anticipation. After that crazy dream, he needed to feel like he belonged to his lover. Today, he needed to feel Logan inside of him, taking him, claiming him.

"Anything you want, Baby. Anything at all!" He kissed Logan deeply and passionately, both softly moaning into each other's mouths.

Mustering all of his self-control, Logan broke their kiss and led Kendall to the shower. He turned on the warm water and stepped inside, pulling the taller boy in with him under the running water.

"Oh, by the way," Kendall said, reaching for the shampoo. "Remind me to speak with James today."

"James? Why? Wha-"

Kendall began to lather Logan's hair. He gave the brunette a quick peck on the lips. "Just remind me!"

End

**Author's Note**: Done and done! I hope that everyone enjoyed reading _The Sound of Thunder_. It was great fun to write. After _The Edge_, I had no clue what I wanted to write next. As I'm sure many of you know, staring at a blank page (or screen), is one of the scariest, most frustrating things in the world! As I reread my first story, a thought came to me. What would the guys be like after Kendall and Logan's wedding and Big Time Rush ended? My brain was off and running and this was the result. I still wanted a bit of a twist at the end, though. I hope I delivered!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all who added me to their Alerts/Favorites, posted comments, and sent me Personal Messages. You guys are so very awesome! There's nothing like feeling appreciated, am I right? I want to acknowledge a few of the peeps that were particularly helpful in the genesis of this story. _**Titled Heart**_, you are the best! _**Waterwicca**_, ditto! _**OptimisticallyHeartbroken**_, thanks for your input. _**Surfergal23,**_ thanks for the shout out in your story, _Bittersweet_! I was honored at the mention. Here's one to you! Another shout out goes to _**Music4ever1617**_ for mentioning me in her Author's Note for _It's A RollerCoaster Ride_. _**Lozo153**_, thanks for the laughs! _**Gleechild**_, you're so deep! I loved your comments! But above all, my very special thanks to _**Dr. William Bell**_ who served as my sounding board and made me think on a couple of key plot points. Thanks so much, Bellie! Our IM chats mean a lot. You da man!

As for the story itself, it was pointed out to me by a couple of you that we don't know what happened to James and Logan after they left Jo's apartment in Chapter XI. An oversight on my part since my focus was not on them but on Kendall. I see, however, that I could have addressed it somehow at some point. They did _not_ hook up, by the way.

I also got comments about the identity of the mysterious surfer dude that danced with Logan at Kendall's party in Chapter VII. I wish I had thought of Kendall being the guy! I also liked a suggestion that it was Kendall who was the anonymous patient that funded Logan's hospital wing in Chapter IV. Great ideas, Guys! Most excellent!

I wasn't going to post any videos for this story, but inspiration struck! I wanted to imagine what Kendall was like as a rocker and capture the energy from his performance, so I posted a vid for Chapter VII. Logan's video was more of a black humor situation. How often do you find a song that is actually about a dying in a plane crash? I _had_ to include it in my vision for Chapter XV. (You get a glimpse of my own sense of humor, too!) I hope you'll check those out. The link is on my profile page.

Lastly, I want to thank all the international readers that have visited my profile and read my stories. The top three countries are: The Philippines, Australia, and The Netherlands - _Salamat_, _Thanks_, and _Dank u_! Of course, the readership in the United States dwarfs all the others. You guys (and gals) rock! Thanks again everyone!

Until next time…

_Manny 101_

**Disclaimer**:I do not own Big Time Rush or the lyrics to my favorite song on their _**BTR**_ CD, _Boyfriend_. But, Fitz? His overbearing ass _is_ mine! :D


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